into details, but while I was in the school he ran into some severe financial difficulties and lost his business.
He was really wiped out. He was forced to sell the house and his two big Cadillacs and everything else he had of material value. In the space of a few months, Dad went from living like a millionaire to living like a postal clerk.
That's what he was when he came to get me after I'd spent a year in the school. A postal clerk. Mom had relented and had agreed to my living with Dad again. I was shocked at the reversal of his fortunes, and more than a little guilt-ridden. But Dad would not allow me to blame myself. The $3,400 I'd ripped him off for was not a factor in his business downfall, he assured me. "Don't even think of it, kid. That was a drop in the bucket," he said cheerfully.
He did not seem to be bothered by his sudden drop in status and finances, but it bothered me. Not for myself, but for Dad. He'd been so high, a real wheeler-dealer, and now he was working for wages. I tried to pump him for the causes. "What about your friends, Dad?" I asked. "I remember you were always pulling them out of tight spots. Didn't any of them offer to help you?"
Dad just smiled wryly. "You'll learn, Frank, that when you're up there're hundreds of people who'll claim you as a friend. When you're down, you're lucky if one of them will buy you a cup of coffee. If I had it to do over again, I'd select my friends more carefully. I do have a couple of good friends. They're not wealthy, but one of them got me my job in the post office."
He refused to dwell on his misfortunes or to discuss them at length, but it bugged me, especially when I was with him in his car. It wasn't as good as my Ford, which he'd sold for me and placed the money in an account in my name. His car was a battered old Chevy. "Doesn't it bother you at all to drive this old car, Dad?" I asked him one day.
"I mean, this is really a comedown from a Cadillac. Right?"
Dad laughed. "That's the wrong way to look at it, Frank. It's not what a man has but what a man is that's important. This car is fine for me. It gets me around. I know who I am and what I am, and that's what counts, not what other people might think of me. I'm an honest man, I feel, and that's more important to me than having a big car... As long as a man knows what he is and who he is, he'll do all right."
Trouble was, at the time I didn't know what I was or who I was.
Within three short years I had the answer. "Who are you?" asked a lush brunette when I plopped down on Miami Beach beside her.
"Anyone I want to be," I said. I was, too.
CHAPTER TWO. The Pilot
I left home at sixteen, looking for me.
There was no pressure on me to leave, although I wasn't happy. The situation on my dual home front hadn't changed. Dad still wanted to win Mom back and Mom didn't want to be won. Dad was still using me as a mediator in his second courtship of Mom, and she continued to resent his casting me in the role of Cupid. I disliked it myself. Mom had graduated from dental technician's school and was working for a Larchmont dentist. She seemed satisfied with her new, independent life.
I had no plans to run away. But every time Dad put on his postal clerk's uniform and drove off to work in his old car, I'd feel depressed. I couldn't forget how he used to wear Louis Roth suits and drive big expensive cars.
One June morning of 1964,1 woke up and knew it was time to go. Some remote corner of the world seemed to be whispering, "Come." So I went.
I didn't say good-bye to anyone. I didn't leave any notes behind. I had $200 in a checking account at the Westchester branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank, an account Dad had set up for me a year before and which I'd never used. I dug out my checkbook, packed my best clothes in a single suitcase and caught a train for New York City. It wasn't exactly a