my mother would not have permitted it. I was only seventeen.
CHAPTER FOUR. If I'm a Kid Doctor, Where's My Jar
National Flight 106, New Orleans to Miami. A routine deadheading deception. I was now polished in my pettifoggery as a pilot without portfolio. I had grown confident, even cocky, in my pre-empting of cockpit jump seats. After two hundred duplicitous flights, I occupied a jump seat with the same assumption of a Wall Street broker in his seat on the stock exchange.
I even felt a little nostalgic as I stepped into the flight cabin of the DC-8. My first fraudulent flight had been on a National carrier to Miami. Now, two years later, I was returning to Miami, and again on a National jet. I thought it appropriate.
"Hi, Frank Williams. Nice of you to give me a lift," I said with acquired poise, and shook hands all around. Captain Tom Wright, aircraft commander, forties, slightly rumpled look of competence. First Officer Gary Evans, early thirties, dapper, with amused features. Flight Engineer Bob Hart, late twenties, skinny, serious demeanor, new uniform, a rookie. Nice guys. The kind I liked to soft-con.
A stewardess brought me a cup of coffee as we taxied toward the runway. I sipped the brew and watched the plane traffic on the strip ahead. It was late Saturday night, moonless, and the aircraft, distinguishable only by their interior lights and flickering exhausts, dipped and soared like lightning bugs. I never ceased to be fascinated by air traffic, night or day.
Wright was apparently not one to use the squawk box. All three officers had headsets, and none of the three had offered me a set for monitoring. If you weren't offered, you didn't ask. The cockpit of a passenger plane is like the captain's bridge on a ship. Protocol is rigidly observed, if that's the tone set by the skipper. Tom Wright operated his jet by the book, it seemed. I didn't feel slighted. The conversation between the three and the tower was clipped and cursory, rather uninteresting, in fact, as most such one-sided exchanges are.
Suddenly it was real interesting, so interesting that I started to pucker at both ends.
Wright and Evans exchanged arch-browed, quizzical looks, and Hart was suddenly regarding me with solemn-eyed intensity. Then Wright twisted around to face me. "Do you have your Pan Am identification card?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah," I said and handed it to him, stomach quaking as Wright studied the artistic fake. "This is National 106 back to tower... uh, yes, I have an ID card here... Pan Am... looks fine... Employee number? Uh, three-five-zero-niner-niner... Uh-huh... Uh, yeah. M-mm, just a moment."
He turned again to me. "Do you have your FAA license?"
"Yes, of course," I said, attempting to act puzzled and keep my bladder under control. It was bulging like a Dutch dike at high tide.
Wright examined the forgery closely. He was the first real pilot to inspect the illicit license. He scrutinized it with the intensity of an art expert judging the authenticity of a Gauguin. Then: "Uh, yeah. FAA license, number zero-seven-five-three-six-six-eight-zero-five... Yes... mul-tiengine... check-out ATR... Looks fine to me... I see nothing wrong with it... Uh, yes, six foot, brown hair, brown eyes... Okay, you got it."
He twisted and handed back my ID card and the purported license, his face reflecting a mixture of chagrin and apology. "I don't know what that was all about," he said with a shrug, and did not ask me if I had any ideas on the subject.
I did, but I didn't volunteer any of them. I tried to convince myself that nothing was amiss, that the tower operator in New Orleans was just overly officious, or doing something he thought he should be doing. Maybe, I told myself, there was an FAA regulation requiring such an inquiry and the tower operator was the first to observe the rule in my experiences, but that didn't wash. It had clearly been an unusual incident for Tom Wright.
The three officers seemed to have dismissed the matter. They asked the usual questions and I gave the usual answers. I took part when the conversation was industry-oriented, listened politely when the three talked of their families. I was nervous all the way to Miami, my insides as tightly coiled as a rattler in a prickly pear patch.
Wright had no sooner touched down in Miami than the sword of Damocles was once more suspended over my head. The ominous one-sided conversation commenced while we were taxiing to the dock.
"Yeah, we can