what to say, considering how the circumstance had come about.
“Arokan,” I whispered, turning my head to look at him. “Did you…did you find the guards? Their bodies?”
I couldn’t stop thinking about them. If I’d never gone into the forest with Hukan…they would still be alive.
“Lysi,” he said. “They will be given a proper burial. A warrior’s burial.”
I nodded, trying to meet his gaze, but he was looking down at my burn. At the Ghertun marking. His eyes were frozen on it, though I knew he’d seen it when the healer put healing salve on it.
Suddenly, he said, “Hukan did not try to flee when I put her under guard watch.”
My breath hitched. I hadn’t told him it was Hukan, not directly. But judging from what my brother had said, my husband had put together the fragmented pieces. He knew that his only blood relation, his mother’s sister, the female that had once saved his life, had betrayed him.
My fingers sought his hand. His palm was warm and he gripped my hand tightly, as if afraid I would let go.
“I’m sorry, Arokan,” I said.
“She will face her punishment,” Arokan said, his voice strange. “She will face Kakkari.”
I didn’t know what that meant, but I wasn’t certain I wanted to know right then.
“I know you love her,” I said, looking down at our entwined hands. “I know this is hard for you.”
“For me,” he repeated slowly, turning my face to look at me, his brow furrowed in an expression that looked anguished. “Kalles, you were betrayed, taken, beaten, burned…your—your pant lacings were…were ripped—”
My sucked in a harsh breath, realizing what he was saying, and I turned in his arms, ignoring the twinge in my shoulder. Taking his face in my hands, I whispered, “They didn’t touch me, Arokan. Not that way.”
He closed his eyes and tears pricked my vision. The things he must’ve thought…
“Arokan,” I whispered, stroking his cheek. “My body will heal. The healer said the baby is safe. I’m here with you. That’s all that matters.”
“The burn will remain,” he said, his voice hardening. “The memory will.”
I went silent. I knew it would. I would forever remember the feel of a dagger sinking into Ghertun flesh, of a shocked expression, of the realization that I’d killed him.
But I would do it all over again if I had to.
“I failed you,” he said.
I gasped. “What?”
“I did not protect you,” he said, looking at me, that emotion that I’d seen when he’d entered the clearing in the forest, right at the surface. “The dark things I thought when I realized you had been taken, when we could not find you as the hours went by…vok, Luna, it was the worst moment of my life and I have experienced many of those. I failed you. When I swore to protect you, when I swore you would be safe. I am sorry, kassikari. Please forgive me.”
Hearing him apologize was almost as wrong as his words.
“Arokan,” I said, taking his face again. “Listen to me. You did not fail me. Don’t ever think that again.”
He shook his head.
“Stop it,” I whispered, my throat clogging. This was why he’d been quiet, I realized. Because he believed he’d been responsible for what I suffered. “Arokan, you did save me.”
He closed his eyes. “I found you because I heard you scream.”
“No, that’s not what I meant,” I said. When he looked at me, I said, “I meant that you gave me the strength and the knowledge and the training in order for me to survive. Without that, I don’t think I would’ve.”
He dropped his head to my shoulder, letting out a rough breath.
“I tried to stay calm,” I told him softly. “I watched them. I came up with a plan. You remember that night in the forest? When I drew the blade on you?”
He nodded.
“I remembered that night too. I did the same thing. I got one alone and close. I managed to get his dagger and I did what I had to do. I cut him where you taught me to,” I said, “to protect myself and our baby. Then I ran. I hid and then I heard the horde coming. The leader…he must’ve seen me. He was desperate by then, but you came before he could act on it.”
Arokan looked at me and I watched him process my words.
“I know that you think you failed me, but you didn’t,” I whispered, leaning forward to give him a small kiss. He breathed me in, his fingers delving