has made you make decisions that shouldn’t have been made.”
“And now I know exactly why I was worried. It seems I must have suspected some of it to be so concerned.”
“How does it change matters?”
“It changes everything.” Esther was frustrated that no one else seemed to think it was a problem. Well, she would say it out loud and watch Samuel withdraw from her. “I am illegitimate. I cannot claim a place in civilised society.”
She heard the sharp intake of breath and closed her eyes. It seemed she did not wish to see his expression after all; hearing a reaction was torture enough.
“Fustian!” Mr. Dawson said, for the first time stepping forward. “Your uncle was a fine upstanding man, Miss Esther. I was there when he read the letter from your grandmother. His whole concern was to get you to Corless House and give you the upbringing you deserved. If he did not have a problem with your past, then there is no reason for you to have one now. Believe me, he was no fool. He made you his heir because you were worthy of that right.”
It was probably the most heated the butler had ever been in front of Esther, and his words caused a watery smile. “Thank you. What you say means a lot, it truly does. My head feels as though someone is pounding on it. I really do not know what to think. I am still reeling from the change in Sophie – my grandmother – oh! I don’t think I can call her that. Not after today.”
“She doesn’t deserve the title and never did,” Cook said. “Let’s get you to bed. I shall have a tray of something nice sent up to you.”
Esther was helped to her feet, treated as if she were some sort of invalid. She paused when passing Samuel, who had remained standing throughout the whole exchange.
“Thank you for your assistance today. I appreciate it very much. I shall understand if you now wish yourself far away from here. You were quite right in being reluctant to come to us. I am afraid we aren’t as respectable as a man like you would need to be in company with,” Esther said.
“I—” Samuel started.
“Now, enough of this. Comments like that help no one.” Cook ushered her mistress out of the room before any more could be said.
Samuel walked over to the fireplace and looked into the unlit grate, hands on hips. “A man like him.” He could have roared with frustration. The persona he had built up was incontrovertible. It had convinced everyone, especially the woman he cared about more than anyone or anything he had ever held close before. Now she was unreachable. She had withdrawn from him, and he had no idea what he was going to do, because she would hardly believe the truth about him if he told her now.
His first instinct was indeed to mount his horse and gallop until the beast could not take another step. He sighed. Wasn’t that precisely what he had done for the whole of his life until now? For the first time he did not wish to run. He wanted to stay and try to think a way out of this mess.
He had to. His future happiness depended on it.
*
Esther awoke with a dull pain behind her temples. Rubbing the area to ease the pressure, she sat up. A night of disturbed sleep and too much crying had been quite enough wallowing in self-pity. There was nothing she could do about the past, but she could take control of her future, and that involved making some painful decisions.
Ringing for her maid, she climbed out of bed. She could not dictate everything that would happen, but there was no point in delaying what could not be fixed. Which meant that her feelings for Samuel had to be packaged away and forgotten about.
She had disliked him on sight because of his manner, but it was probably from the moment she had apologised for her unwelcoming behaviour that he had started to interest her. They had argued over the weeks, too many times to recall, but it was as if there had been a meeting of minds – she had always felt it was somehow an equal pairing – of similar opinions. Smiling at herself in the looking-glass, she pondered how strange it was that she had fallen in love with a man who would frustrate her as well as attract her more than