apologising for being so absorbed in my own self-importance as to immediately jump to the conclusion that your reaction was to do with me,” Matthew said. He felt ashamed. Never having considered arrogance as one of his weaknesses, he was quickly reassessing that part of his character. “Is that why you became a teacher?”
“Yes. I am a woman who had little dowry, and to be honest, after losing Luke, I do not think I could face being married to anyone else,” Lydia admitted aloud for the first time. “I was already friends with Esther, and when she decided to open the school, it seemed a perfect way of providing for myself and looking after children who needed our care.”
Matthew had an almost overwhelming feeling of sadness at her words. She was a beautiful woman and, because of a war in another country, had lost her future. It was probably the first time he had ever thought of the ripple effect of men losing their lives. Of course their families were affected, but how many wives or beloveds had lost their future as well? It was a sobering thought.
“I am ashamed to admit that part of me is so very proud of him, and the other part of me wants to curse him to the devil for leaving me behind. You can condemn me for that, Captain Dunn, but please do not berate me for pitying you.”
“I don’t criticise you for anything. You are admirable, and I am only sorry for your loss.”
“It is in the past now,” Lydia said. “I still miss him, but it is turning into a distant memory. Viewing our time together as something to look back on with affection. I know one thing: my heart is buried somewhere near Badajoz.”
For the first time in his life, Matthew could have cried at another’s suffering and loss.
Chapter 5
The following few days settled into a routine. Isabella was taken for a ride in the morning with Matthew and Samuel, with Esther accompanying them. Matthew then took Isabella, usually chattering away to him, to Lydia. Once Isabella was seated at the front of the classroom, close to the teacher’s desk, he would settle in his study and listen and watch Lydia’s classroom.
Since their chat on the second evening, Lydia and Matthew had become closer. They sought each other out whenever possible, and Matthew sat so he could watch Lydia teach.
She had been very bashful at the start, knowing she had an audience, but her natural confidence meant that she soon returned to her usual self and hardly noticed he was there. Sometimes, when the children were concentrating on a piece of work, she would walk to the doorway and exchange a few words with him. Whispered words, which were becoming more and more teasing.
Matthew loved to watch her. From the moment they had first been introduced, he had thought her pretty, but the more he got to know her, the more he found he wanted to know. She was loving, yet firm when needed with the children. She laughed with them, and they responded to her with such affection and desire to please her. She obviously had a natural talent for making people fall under her spell, for he was certainly smitten.
The thought should have made Matthew elated. He had found a woman who was loving, considerate and beautiful. A pity she was still in love with someone else.
Not sure how to compete with the memory of a dead love, Matthew tried to charm her as much as he could in his own way.
He would have been reassured to know that Lydia had started to think of him as the best of men. Her thoughts were very often filled with what he had said, how he had looked, or laughed. It was a worry, for she knew he would return to London when the threat to Isabella had lifted, and she would never see him again. But try as she might, she could not stop dreaming of laughing blue eyes. It was the first time since Luke died that she had thought of anyone else. A pity it could come to naught.
*
Daily, Samuel dealt with the horses and then wandered around the building. It was a perfect time to listen idly to the gossip of the stable hands; if there was anything unusual happening, they would comment on it. He spent most of his days outside, moving from place to place, speaking occasionally to the gardeners, questioning them in a