fine. You don’t need a drug test. You’re not one of them, Cadee. You’re just a stand-in.”
“Oh, that’s right. I don’t count. I’m just the Fugling.”
I roll my eyes. “Trust me on this, you do not want to count in this situation. The Fugling has it easy compared to the pledge girls.”
“That’s funny. They didn’t piss their pants today. They didn’t get pelted with water balloons by the boys. They got to lounge by the pool all day and work on their tans.”
“It’s not real. Tomorrow they’ll be crying before breakfast and you’ll be thanking your lucky stars that you don’t count.”
She reaches out and touches my waist. Then she slips her finger underneath my t-shirt and hooks it around the belt loop of my shorts.
I look down at it and hold my breath as she tugs on it. Like she wants to pull me closer. “What are you doing?”
“Come down here with me.”
“Why?” My heart is beating fast.
“Because…” She pauses and lets out a long breath. “Because I’m sad too, Cooper.” Then she frowns so deep, I can’t help but follow her lead. “And that good feeling has suddenly turned into something very dark and scary.”
I briefly wonder if Mona’s joint was laced with anything. But Cadee tugs again. Harder. With more insistence. And wasn’t this what I really wanted in my senior year of Prep when Cadee and I got close?
Something slow, and easy, and real?
My defenses down. Her able to admit she likes me.
She does like me. But admitting it out loud? That was always a step too far for Cadee. That was always a line she refused to cross.
I would’ve killed for a moment like this with Cadee Hunter that year.
“Don’t do that,” she mumbles. “Don’t reject me right now, Cooper. Not after the day I had. Just be nice to me for a little bit. Even if you don’t mean it.”
“I don’t want you to go back tomorrow, Cadee.”
“I’m going back.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not going to be a victim ever again.”
“You’re not gonna win anything in the end. Not anything good. I promise. I will give you anything you want—”
“Then lie down next to me.”
I consider using emotional blackmail. Make her promise to stay home tomorrow if I comfort her.
But I’m tired. And sad. And I just don’t have it in me.
So I give in and lie down next to her. She snuggles her body up against mine and I have an uncontrollable urge to put my arms around her the same way I did that one night three years ago.
“I forgive you,” she says, her words just a low whisper.
“I’m sorry, you know. I am. I’m sorry for all of it.”
“Never mind, Cooper. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want someone to hold me until I fall asleep. I promise it won’t take long.”
I hug her a little tighter. It’s not her fault. None of it was her fault. It was my fault. I should’ve made better choices. At the very least, I shouldn’t have… blamed her. I should’ve stayed friends with her. And checked up on her. Or… done the right thing.
I should’ve done the right thing.
“I know you did your best, Coop. I really do know that.”
And then I hold my breath for so long, my head starts to spin. And when I let it out, I say, “Thanks, Cades.”
But she’s already asleep.
So I just lie there in her bed. Holding her. Thinking about what Mona did and how I might fix it.
But there is only one way. Only one answer.
Sometime around five AM I pull myself away from Cadee and get up from her bed. Then I lean down and kiss her head. “You’re not one of them. Just please remember that tomorrow. You’re just a stand-in.”
A part of me wishes she would wake up and ask me what that means.
So I could tell her the truth.
So I could prepare her for what’s coming.
So she could have one last chance to bow out and not make me go through with this.
But the part of me in control knows I said the words too softly for a reason.
I need her now.
I need her so I can save Mona.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO - CADEE
I wake up because my head is pounding. And Cooper is knocking on it.
“Stop that!” I push his hand away. “It hurts.”
“Time to get up. We gotta go. It’s not my fault you got high last night.”
“Oh.” I groan and cup my hand over my eyes. “Why did I do