the words to stop. I don’t want to hear what comes next.
And it’s like she reads my mind, because she skips ahead.
“Cooper came back. He was very drunk by then and…” She looks at me and her next words come out as a sigh. “I don’t really know. I don’t know why you came back. I’m just glad you did.”
“I was looking for you. It was never an accident, Cadee. I felt so bad. I knew my father kicked you and your mom out of the cottage—“
“He told me you wanted us to move out so you could have it for your lacrosse team.”
“What?” Lars says. “We never used that cottage for lacrosse.”
“So he lied,” Cadee says.
“He lied,” I sigh.
She frowns for a moment. Her brow furrowed. “It was all lies, wasn’t it?” She looks at me. “You were right. He never cared about me at all.”
I squeeze her hand again, and this time I think she really needs that support.
“OK,” Ax says. “But what’s that got to do with anything, Cooper?”
“When I went inside to find my mom,” Cadee says. “I found Dane instead.”
“What?” Lars asks.
But Mona sees where this is going. Because she comes over to Cadee and sits down next to her. Pulling her into a hug. “Oh, Cadee.”
And now Cadee is really crying. And it’s not just what happened with her and my evil asshole of a brother. It’s all of it.
All the shitty fucking cards she has been dealt over the past three years finally catch up with this girl.
“What the fuck is happening right now?” Ax asks. He stands up and starts his pacing. “Dane... what? What are you saying? He… raped you, Cadee? Is that what you’re trying to fucking say here?” Then he looks at me. “And you covered for him, didn’t you?”
“It’s not like that, Ax.”
And my heart fucking cracks in half when I realize Cadee is about to make excuses for me.
“I did,” I whisper, talking to Ax.
Total silence in the room.
“Why?” Mona asks. “Why would you do that, Cooper? You don’t even like Dane. I’ve seen him kick your ass so many times over the years. So why would you cover for him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Fuck that!” Mona says. “Fuck you, Cooper!”
“Today, I wouldn’t. I know better. But back then, I was just…”
“You were just a fucking coward,” Mona says. Stating the truth.
And what can I say? “Yeah.” I sigh. “I was just a fucking coward. A selfish fucking coward.”
“So that’s why Cadee suddenly became important to you.” Lars is sneering at me, disgusted. “First semester she was a target. We bullied her, and messed around with her a little, and made her feel like shit. And then…” He pauses. “Then, after New Year’s, she was all you thought about. You were obsessed with her. Like… in love with her, almost. But it wasn’t love, was it, Cooper?”
I look at Cadee and she’s squinting her eyes at me. I want to deny it. But it’s pointless now. “I wanted your secret, Cadee. I needed it. I needed something to hold over Dane so that when the time was right, I would have it in my back pocket and I could use it against him.”
“Did you?” Ax asks.
“No” I say. “No! I didn’t tell him. I didn’t tell anyone.”
“That’s the fucking problem, Cooper,” Mona hisses.
“So…” Lars is thinking things through. “That’s why we walked away from her at the end of senior year. You were done with her.”
I can’t even answer. Because this is still only half the story.
I glance at Cadee and find her frowning. Her eyes find mine for only a moment, then she looks down at her feet. “I knew I was pregnant almost immediately. I just felt it”
Lars stands up. “Oh, my fucking God.” He looks at me. “It’s true. You made her get that abortion so you could keep the whole thing secret.”
Lars!” Cadee says sharply. “You don’t get to have opinions about this. OK? You just don’t. You weren’t there.”
“I was there!” he says. “All fucking semester.” He glares at me. Then he looks back at Cadee. “Why didn’t you come to me? I would never—“
“That’s why,” Cadee says. “You would’ve let me make the decision. And you know what, Lars? I wasn’t able to do that at the time. I just wasn’t. I couldn’t think straight. So Cooper sat me down and started asking me questions. And when I said no, I do not want to have my rapist’s baby, and no I didn’t