scream that reflects the never-ending suffering of my soul. Falling to the floor, I curl up in a ball and hold tight to my necklace, no longer caring enough to muffle my loud shuddering sobs.
“How does Iron Man sound- Baby, what’s wrong?” Jaxx rushes into the shower, scooping me up in his arms and searching my face. “Talk to me.”
“It hurts.”
“What hurts? Your arm? Fuck, you’re still bleeding!”
“Everything. Everything hurts, Jaxx. Make it stop. Please, help me. Make it stop. I can’t… I can’t breathe.”
“What can I do, baby?”
“Make me forget, please. Just for a little while.” I cling to him, pressing my bare chest to his wet shirt.
He studies me for a fraction of a second before nodding and lifting me from the floor. Walking us out of the bathroom, he grabs a towel from the sink as we go.
“Jaxx…” I beg, clinging to him desperately.
“I know, Munchkin. Hang tight; I’ve got you. I will always catch you.” He carries me through my room, laying me softly on the bed, then unfolds the towel he grabbed from my vanity, leaning in to cover me. But I reach up, stopping him.
“Please, Jaxx, make me feel something other than pain. I can’t take the loneliness anymore.”
“I know, baby, but your arm needs bandages and your freezing. Let me take care of you, okay?” Jaxx asks, wrapping the plush towel around me. He rubs the chilled drops from my back and shoulders with even more tenderness than he did when I was a little girl running from our pool, shivering. Giggling through chattering teeth and nearly blue lips, I would dodge his attempts to care for me for as long as I could. Always launching myself into at least one more front flip back into the pool before he and Costin would manage to drag me in for a warm shower. I cling to that memory, mourning our long lost, carefree laughter.
I’m pulled from my thoughts when he kneels in front of me and opens the first-aid kit, taking my arm in his left hand.
“It’s not as deep as it looked. I’m going to use the surgical glue, it will stop the bleeding faster.” He frowns, gently cleaning the wound. “You did this to yourself, didn’t you?”
“I did,” I look away ashamed. “And I’m sorry. I was drinking, and I overreacted.”
“You know I wouldn’t survive losing you, right? None of us would.” He pauses after applying the glue.
“I didn’t want to die, I don’t want to die. I just felt so alone. I don’t know what I was thinking …” I trail off.
“I am so sorry, Eliana. I should have been here.” He stands and places a soft kiss on my forehead and crosses to his dresser. An obvious push from Daddy, our matching Blake Raffia dressers were a Band-Aid on the heart of a shallow princess, meant to distract and placate me because in this house, love means nothing when you have money.
I smile softly at Jaxx when he steps in front of me with a smirk, unfolding his found treasure and holding the shirt above my head. “Up.”
“Hocus Pocus?” I lift my arms and shiver as he slides the threadbare fabric over my torso, the bottom edge coming to rest below my waist.
“You always did have a thing for the Sanderson sisters.” He chuckles, stepping out of his wet clothing and into a pair of dry flannel pajama pants before sitting against the headboard, pulling my back into his chest, and resting his chin on my head.
I relax into him with a sigh, smiling as I read the faded text, ‘Oh look another glorious morning. Makes me sick.’
“There’s that smile,” Jaxx says, poking a finger through a hole in the side of my t-shirt, and it hits me… What did I just do? I’m mortified… over my behavior and his rejection. I have to say something. I need to fix this.
“Jaxx, I-“
“Nope, it’s time for you to listen, Munchkin. I know you hurt. I can’t even imagine how broken you feel right now, but that-” He kisses my temple, gently rocking us side to side. “-was not the answer. Yes, I have always told you that you are better than that – that you are worth more – because it’s true. You are no one’s conquest. You are the most precious thing in my life, and I have spent years keeping you from being used and tossed aside like a worthless object. I’ll be damned if I allow that now.”
“Jaxx,