don’t need me. Call me if you are lonely, scared, tired, confused… just call me. I need to know you are okay. You can trust me. Please.
I reply quickly.
Me: I’m fine, rock star. Probably nothing.
I walk to my closet with my phone, laptop, and the zip drive, and then pull the door closed behind me. Sitting in the floor, I lay my phone down and plug the drive into the USB. I am shaking when the digital folder finally pops up on my screen.
A video titled ‘watch first’ sits at the top of a list of hundreds of image files. Clicking the video, I gasp when I see Bethany’s face pop up on the screen.
‘Okay, so I don’t even know why I am doing this. It’s my just in case, I guess.’ She shrugs, looking behind her and listening to someone yelling outside of her closed bedroom door. ‘Hi, Eliana. If you’re watching this, then that means I was wrong. Which probably means you will never watch this.’ She snorts. ‘I’m hoping that by hiding the zip with the photo and bracelet, you will know that these images are genuine. Only the two of us know about this spot… well, three now, I guess, since I told Puckett as a backup, so they should be safe. He’s not that bad. Dumb as a box of rocks and tangled up in some shit, but aren’t we all. Anyways, these images… they are fucked. I’m sorry. I am. Even with everything your presence has put me through and the spoiled bitch you turned into, you don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t look, but you need to. I hope you aren’t alone right now. I hope you have someone you can trust to help you through this because like I said… if you are watching this, I was wrong, and I am so sorry. I love you. I hate you. I wish things had been different. Be careful who you trust, sister. Things aren’t always as they seem.’
The video disappears, and the images begin to flash across my laptop. Picture after picture of me… before Daddy… before Costin… before Jaxx and Abel and Joshua. I cover my mouth, trying not to vomit at the visual proof of the things my mother tried to set in motion with these photos. Slamming the laptop shut, I yank the drive from the USB port and throw it to the back of the closet and hug the photo and bracelet to my chest. I wasn’t alone… I forgot… there were others. How could I just forget? What have I done?
Looking down at the blinking light on my phone, I pick it up and read.
Jonah: I know you are, but I’m still here if you need a friend, beautiful. You aren’t alone. The shadows can’t touch you.
Jonah: Are you there?
Missed call.
Jonah: Pick up, beautiful.
Missed call.
Jonah: Please. Don’t make me call Abel. I’m worried.
My phone rings with another video call request.
“Jonah?” I sob out.
“Eliana, where are you? Are you okay? What’s going on? I’m arranging a direct flight to you right now.” I can see him rushing through his hotel room in a panic.
“No, no, I’m okay. Stay.” I shake my head vehemently.
“You’re not okay, Eliana.” He stops, and it feels like he can see directly into me, even from this distance. “You can’t hide your shadows from someone who has seen them as closely as I have, beautiful. I can’t help you from here, and it’s killing me.”
“Just a bad dream, rock star. Stay there. You have concerts all week, and I have my girls. I’m not alone. I just shut the door so I could talk to you privately without waking them. Not to mention, you will be here in a couple weeks, anyways. Thanks for the tickets by the way.” I force a grin.
“Are you sure?” Jonah rubs his forehead worriedly.
“I’m sure, but Jonah?” I sniffle, trying to hide the fact that inside I am in total ruins. “Can you sing to me? Something… happy?”
“For the girl who thinks I’m dreamy? Anything.” He begins to sing, and I curl up on the closet floor, listening to him for what feels like hours until my tears have dried up and exhaustion wins out.
The next morning, I wake up to the sounds of Rachel ushering Nat and Isa from my room to catch their ride to the airport for a last hurrah before starting college... a freedom I will never have. I quickly tuck the photo into the back