her feet. To finish what I started. That’s when I realize I may be more like Earl Walker than I’ve ever imagined.
15
I stay outside for the rest of the night, thinking. Contemplating the plan Amador and I had been going over for months.
Earl was going to kill me. He wanted to. He can feel his grip on me loosening, and the tighter he closes his fist, the easier I slip through. He knows I am going to take Kim and leave him. I’ve been planning it for weeks now. Years, really, but the actual plan was set in motion a few weeks back.
It’s time.
But I can’t get back into the apartment the next morning. Earl has locked me out, and I don’t dare risk waking him by having Kim sneak out of the apartment to let me into the building. She was at the window of our bedroom most of the night, watching me. Struggling to stay awake. She finally fell asleep around 4 A.M.
I tap lightly on the window just as the sun paints the horizon a brilliant orange. Earl will be asleep for hours yet. If there weren’t bars on the window, I’d get her out and take her with me, but I’ll just have to come back for her. Amador will be waiting.
Kim raises her head, her lids heavy with sleep. She cracks the window, but I tell her to stop.
“He might wake up,” I whisper.
“You know he won’t. I’ll unlock the door.”
“No. It’s okay. I can’t risk that landlady calling the police. I’m going to meet Amador.”
She pushes her fingers through the crack. I reach up and weave them into my own.
“She’s real, Kim.”
Kim smiles. “I know. I told you she was.”
“You did, didn’t you?” I say with a laugh.
“You have to tell her.”
“Tell her what?”
“Tell her you love her.”
“Yeah.” I kick a rock off the crate with my bare foot. “I threatened to rape her. I’m not sure she wants to hear any professions of love from me.”
“I saw. And I know why you did it. Let me go with you.”
“He might wake up, love. I don’t want you caught in the crossfire. Besides, I still have some last-minute errands to run. I’ll be back.”
“Here,” she says. She opens the window farther and hands me a clean shirt, shoes, socks, and a jacket.
“Thanks. I’ll be back as soon as I can. We’re almost finished with the car.”
She nods. She’s scared of Earl, but not for her own sake.
I start to leave, but the niggling at the back of my neck stops me. I turn back to her. “If anything happens to me, get to Amador.” I take her hand again. “Find him. He’ll know what to do.”
She nods again.
I leave, knowing it’s too quiet in the apartment. Knowing something is wrong. Something is terribly, terribly wrong.
I’m gone all day. Amador and I are almost finished with the car. We just need a fan belt, but the parts store nearby is closed.
It’s okay, though. I’ve decided I need to see Dutch in the flesh one more time. I have to find her. I have to at least try to explain. But the one thing I never did in my dream was pay attention to her address.
I go to the library. Use a computer there to look her up. Everything is real. Her name. Her mother dying at her birth. Her sister. Father. Uncle. Crazy-ass stepmother. It’s all real.
They live in the Heights. I know that. I know every nook and cranny of her house. I know her neighborhood and where she learned to ride a bike. I know who her friends are. What her favorite foods are. Who she’s dated. Who she’s gone all the way with. But I don’t know her fucking address.
I finally find one, but something is wrong. The entire day has been wrong, as though there has been a shift in the universe.
I feel an urgency. I close my eyes and seek out Dutch. She is with her friends, and she’s fine until I show up. She catches sight of me out the corner of her eye and tenses, so I leave her to it. But if not her, then what?
Kim. I straighten in alarm. He wouldn’t. Surely he wouldn’t.
I run out of the library and all the way home. When I get there, they are gone. Earl has packed up and left with Kim. The landlady is pounding on the door, her abused hair—so bleached, it’s almost white—in tangles around her