the air. As soon as his fist connected with her face, I rushed forward and pulled him off her, throwing him to the ground. As I crouched beside her, askin’ her if she was okay, not payin’ attention to the bastard who hit her, a searing pain sliced through my arm.” My fingers trailed over the healed wound on my upper arm. Zoe’s eyes followed the movement, reaching forward to lay her fingers near mine. “You don’t know it’s there because of the ink, but you can feel it.” I moved my hand so she could touch the scar.
“He stabbed you?”
“Yeah, and when I realized what he’d done, I hopped up and ran at him.”
“Even though he had a knife?”
“I wasn’t thinkin’. I should’ve done so many things different that night, running toward him, one of the stupidest.” I closed my eyes briefly. “I don’t know how many times I’ve gone over that night in my head, in my dreams, but, of course, I can’t change the past.” Her touch brought my attention back to her. “As I rushed him, I couldn’t see the knife. I didn’t know at that point if he dropped it or not, but I tackled him to the ground regardless, and then I lost it. I kept punching him, over and over. Some of the guys from the bar heard the commotion and came running out, finally pulling me off him, but it was too late.” I paused for a beat. “I didn’t mean to, but I killed him.”
Her hand flew to her mouth even though I’d already admitted before I started the story that someone had died because of me. Admittedly, she didn’t know how, so I supposed her small gasp was warranted.
She took a moment before she spoke, her eyes darting everywhere but at me. What was she thinking? How did she feel about me now, knowing I’d allowed my rage to get the best of me, ending another man’s life because I didn’t have the sense to stop after the first hit? I’d been drinking that night, but that was no excuse.
“Did you get arrested?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“Yeah, but had it not been for the outside cameras the bar had installed the year prior due to a slew of robberies in that area, showing exactly what happened, I would’ve been charged with involuntary manslaughter. I would’ve served time. Sometimes I think it’s what I deserved.”
Her hand landed on my arm. “You were only defending yourself.” She scooted closer, the heat from her body enough to help calm the erratic muscle inside my chest.
“I should’ve stopped after the first punch. He didn’t pose any more danger to me then.”
“You don’t know that,” Zoe argued. “He could’ve gotten back up afterward and stabbed you again.”
Her words infiltrated, and even though I’d gone over that possibility every time I tried to justify what happened in my head, I’d dismiss the thought a second later. I was much bigger than the man—younger and stronger. But like I said, there wasn’t anything I could do to change the events. I had to live with what I’d done for the rest of my days.
I turned away from her and moved to stand, but she grabbed my wrist to stop me. Without looking back at her, I said, “I need a couple minutes.”
“Matteo.” Her saying my name made me shudder, the cold arms of regret and sorrow fighting against the compassion and worry I heard in her voice. She shifted on the bed until her front was flush to my back, wrapping her arms around me and kissing my shoulder, then my neck, turning my head to the side so she could seal her mouth over mine. I severed the kiss, needing to ask her a question.
“You don’t think less of me? You’re not gonna run?”
“Of course not. I love that you were able to share your burden with me, that you trusted me enough to tell me your secret, something I’m sure weighs heavy on you.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I said nothing, and in the span of time it took me to blink, I had her on her back, burying myself between her legs, needing her warmth to chase away the chill of my past.
24
“What don’t I know about you?” he asked, his voice drowsy with the need to sleep. But he wasn’t having any of it. If it were up to him, I was sure he’d keep me up well