bear it if she left because I hadn’t been honest. She took a leap of faith when she told me about her sexuality, a part of her she wasn’t sure I would accept, so it was only right I do the same, although our truths couldn’t have been more different.
“I need to tell you something.” My voice remained stoic as I tried to calm the incessant swirl in my gut. Flashes of that night invaded, distracting me from focusing on the words I needed to relay so she wouldn’t be freaked out.
“You’ve reconsidered having another threesome, only this time you do want another man involved?” When I didn’t make a sound in jest to her obvious tease, she tilted her head up to look at me. “I was kidding, of course.” Her smile flattened in a look of worry.
“I know. It’s not that.” I swallowed nervously, my arm around her tightening her to me, preparing for her to move once I finally said the words.
“You’re kind of freaking me out,” she whispered, the pinch of her brows forming a deep indent. “Just tell me.”
My heart thrashed against my rib cage, worry boiling up inside me as to what she’d do once my words penetrated her brain. Drawing out my tale was only going to make things worse, so after several deep breaths, I locked eyes on her and finally opened my mouth.
“I killed someone.” She was quiet, too quiet, and I could see the cogs turning in her mind, confusion and curiosity flashing across her face in the span of seconds. “Are you okay?”
“Um… yeah, I’m just surprised you’re bringing up stuff to do with the club. I mean, I kind of already figured something like that happened during the fight where you got shot.”
“This has nothing to do with the club. This happened twelve years ago. When I was eighteen.”
“Oh.” She stole her eyes from mine and attempted to move away but was hindered by my hold. When she tried again, I released her, realizing she may need a moment to digest my confession. She sat upright beside me, pulling the blanket to cover her, which I hated. Her wanting to shield herself wasn’t a good sign.
I shifted on the bed, leaning against the headboard, not a care that I was completely exposed, in all ways.
“Does anyone else know?”
“Marek does, but whether he told anyone else in the club… I don’t know. If he did, no one has ever said anything to me.”
Her eyes scoured my features for the longest time before asking her next question. “What happened?” She licked her lips in nervousness.
“Some friends and I were at a bar—”
“When you were only eighteen?” she interrupted.
The corner of my mouth curved up. I waved a hand over my body. “I wasn’t much smaller than I am now. I didn’t even need an ID to get in. They just assumed I was over twenty-one.” She made a noise in acknowledgment. “We’d all been drinking, obviously, and while I wasn’t drunk, I was feelin’ nice. At some point, I had to take a piss, and since we were near the back exit, I went into the alleyway. So many times, I wish I would’ve gone to the fuckin’ men’s room instead.” The pulse in my throat sped up and a wave of nausea hit me. “Anyway,” I continued, a rush of air tumbling out of my mouth, “after I finished, I opened the door to go back inside and that’s when a man and woman rushed out. He had her by the arm and was yellin’ at her.” The image of the two of them snuck into my memory even though I’d worked hard over the years to try and forget. “She was afraid of him. I saw it in her eyes. He raised his arm in the air and she flinched, like she knew what was comin’ next, only he didn’t hit her that time.”
Every few seconds, I pulled my gaze from hers, nervous once she found out what I’d done, she’d leave this house and never return. I stalled for time to finish, the memory of that night the cause of many a nightmare over the years. Parting my lips several times did nothing to erase the silence in the room, and it took another two attempts before the words finally came out.
“He dragged her into the corner of the alley when he saw me, raising his arm again, only this time he didn’t leave it hangin’ in