leave the room if you want to talk to Joe in private,” Ryan offered.
“No, no. That’s not it,” I said. “I just have a lot to think about.”
Joe regarded me, his forehead wrinkled. For a moment, I thought he was going to ask what I had to think about again, but then he seemed to change his mind.
“We’ve all had to deal with parents who turned out to be something other than we thought,” Ryan said. “Or who turned out to be someone different altogether.”
Ryan’s birth mother, Wendy Madigan, had been the mastermind behind the entire Future Lawmakers Club when our parents were in high school. She was just as psychotic as my father.
Ryan continued, “Melanie has assured me that if I were going to turn out like my mother, I’d know by now. Ditto for you, man. You’re not your father.”
I nodded, saying nothing. Ryan’s mother had been a horrible person. She had not, however, been a rapist and pedophile. Those two things haunted me all the time.
“We wouldn’t be offering you this if we didn’t think you were the best man for the job,” Joe said. “The fact that you’re my oldest and best friend has nothing to do with it.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Only in that I know I can trust you,” he said. “Anyone else, we’d have to vet.”
Again, I said nothing.
“Look,” Ryan said, “I get what’s eating you. Do you hold my mother’s crimes against me?”
“Of course not!” I said. “But you weren’t raised by your mother.”
“I see,” Joe said. “Look. Your father raised me as well.”
“Brad Steel raised you.”
“He turned out to be kind of a dick—”
I opened my mouth, but he stopped me with a gesture.
“I’m not comparing the two. Your father was far worse. I get it. But I knew him nearly as well as you did. He took us on overnight fishing trips, for God’s sake. He raised me just as my father raised you. Both men were significant in our lives, but their actions don’t define either of us, Bryce. You’re a smart guy. You know that.”
Yeah, I knew that.
Objectively, I knew all of it.
The problem was that I wasn’t thinking objectively.
I had two issues.
Dealing with who my father truly was and its effect on my life.
And Marjorie Steel.
I couldn’t be around Marjorie. I wouldn’t be able to resist her, and she deserved better than a man who could only offer her emotionless fucks—or rather, a fuck full of emotion that I couldn’t let mean anything. Yeah, I had feelings for Marjorie Steel. Strong feelings. But a lifetime relationship wasn’t in the cards for me. I certainly couldn’t bring more children into the world—not with the faulty genes I carried.
Problem was, I’d already brought a son into the world, a son I loved dearly and whom I had an obligation to.
A son I’d spent far too little time with the last couple months.
I told myself it was because my mother needed him more than I did. Truth was, I needed him just as much right now. More importantly, he needed me. No matter how afraid I was to be a father, he needed me. His mother had abandoned him, signed away all her parental rights.
He was mine.
My son, my responsibility.
I stood, clearing my throat. “Thank you for your trust in me. I need to talk to my mom, but I will most likely be coming on board.”
Joe stood, walked around his desk, and grabbed me in a bear hug. “That’s great, man. We’re all really happy about your decision.”
“My tentative decision,” I said.
“Yeah, whatever.” He pulled back, smiling. “We’ll get the paperwork ready.”
Paperwork. I nearly told them to hold off, that my decision wasn’t final yet, but I didn’t. This was what I had to do for my son.
Ryan patted me on the back. “You want to stick around until Tal gets back? It shouldn’t be long.”
I shook my head. “I have some things to take care of. But tell Talon thanks, and I’ll be in touch.”
I left without saying anything more.
“Where’s Henry?” I asked my mother upon entering our modest house in the heart of Snow Creek.
“He just went down for his morning nap,” she said. “But he fussed. He’ll be down to only one nap per day soon.”
I went into the nursery and kissed my son on the forehead, pushing his downy yellow hair to the side. Time for a haircut soon. His first one.
I’d missed so much of his life since I’d found out the truth about my father.