to the view from my eyes”
What does this song even mean? Phones glow and wave in a dizzying halo around the theater. Four thousand voices sing along with River Olson’s ode to something. Mom was thrilled when White Flame sent this one over. “River Olson, Genevieve! It’s pretty much guaranteed to chart!” And it did. Debuted at number five and got all the way up to number two before dropping. Never mind that the lyrics feel affected to me. Overly poetic with no real meaning behind them. Still, there’s a giant bridge that brings tears and a dramatic chorus that gives me plenty of space for spine-tingling runs. We produced the crap out of the radio version. Live, I can even muster a tear or two on a good night. Today? We’ll see. I’m afraid if I let one escape, I’ll have an entire meltdown on my hands, which no one would be happy about.
“This mountain I climb
Will never be too high
This valley below will show
How far I’ve come
That I’m the only one
Who will ever see the top through my eyes.”
I bring the outro, along with the three-song acoustic set to a conclusion with a drawn-out final bar that speaks loudly in its simplicity. The last chord rings out, echoing over the room with the infusion of heavy reverb meant to swell through ears straight to hearts. By the subdued, reverent cheers as the lights go dark, we nailed it.
I jump up from the bench and rush offstage, while the crew transforms the space for the next high-energy set.
“You okay?” Hadley asks as I do a quick wardrobe change. An extended instrumental remix of “Horizonal” blares through the house, and the crowd erupts, plunging to their feet in anticipation when the lights start flashing in sync with the music.
“Fine,” I clip out. I feel bad for my tone, but I can’t afford to get into it now. We don’t have time for that anyway. The dancers are already set, and my cue to get in place for the lift to the top of the staircase rings through my ears. “Gotta go. Wish me luck,” I say, forcing a bright smile.
I don’t check Hadley’s face for her reaction as I line up on the riser. Once I’m in place, it lifts twelve feet into the air to the top of the illuminated staircase we use at the beginning of the show. For this part, the LED lights glow red instead of white and will flash key lyrics as I descend while singing “Horizontal.”
The transition piece of the song comes to an end, and I set my body in position for the glare of the spotlight when it bursts on me for the opening line.
“Intro-three-two-one,” the mechanical voice says.
Flash.
The crowd roars when I’m exposed. I do my first dance move at the top platform.
“I’m a bit confused by the way you use those eyes”
I take a step, my three-inch heels landing expertly for my next move.
“This game we’re playing isn’t the way to my heart”
Step.
“It takes more than a slick reversal
To get me horizontal.”
Step.
Except, this time my foot doesn’t land. No, my heel clips the edge of the stair, catching air as my body sways to the right. My arms flail but find nothing to grasp. For a split second, I see the ground below, dark and spotted with colored tape meant to guide my steps, not break a fall. It beckons me now, fear mixing with a strange exhilaration as I plunge weightless in slow motion. Do I scream? Maybe on instinct. Inside I’m laughing hysterically at the irony before everything goes dark.
CHAPTER 15
Please don’t call me lonely
For it’s only
you I’m missing
Please don’t call me abandoned
It’s just your hand
I can’t reach
Please don’t call me desperate
When it’s you that’s left this
Gaping hole
It’s your void to own
Until you venture home
OLIVER
This movie is shit. Or maybe it’s my brain that won’t stop punishing me for making the right choice. What choice, though? I didn’t have a choice when it came down to it. No, my mistake was making a promise I never should have made in the first place, and for that I’m living in a swirl of regret. I know she won’t see my messages for a while—she’s probably got at least a half hour left in her show—but it doesn’t stop me from picking up my phone to send another one. That only makes three, which seems reasonable given the extent of my crime. One apologizing again. One assuring her how much