course, we would always give you your baby back but it would rip our hearts out.” She stepped back, turned and left.
As I watched her, I started crying. Lily wrapped her arms around me sideways because our bellies didn’t allow anything else, kissing my cheek. “You already made up your mind, didn’t you?”
I closed my eyes and nodded, my hand touching my belly. “I’m always making such a mess of things. That’s the only thing I’m good at.”
“Shhh. Aria and Luca will understand. They will be happy for you and Matteo.”
“But they want another kid. They stopped trying because of me. And now they don’t get my baby. They wasted almost a year because of me.”
“They will understand, Gianna. Aria is a mother. She knows what it does to a woman to feel your baby move inside you. This is your baby. It always was.” I buried my face in Lily’s neck and she stroked my hair. “And Aria will be pregnant in no time, I’m sure. The last two she got pregnant without really trying and when you got pregnant, she’d only stopped taking the pill two months before. Next year she’ll have her own baby.”
She pulled back with a soft smile. “Now go talk to Matteo.”
I nodded. “Thank you, Lily.”
My pulse sped up as I walked through the house. It took me a while to find Matteo and only because I heard his voice in passing. I knocked at the office door then stepped in. Luca and Matteo were talking. “I need to talk to you.”
Luca set down his glass and moved toward me. I thought he’d leave but he stopped close to me, his eyes hard. “Don’t mess this up.”
I didn’t get a chance for a comeback because he left. I finally faced Matteo and my heart constricted at the look in his eyes. I walked toward him and grabbed his hand, pressing it to my belly. “I want this baby,” he said before I could say anything.
I smiled. “I know.”
Matteo frowned. “Okay.” He hesitated. “I can take most of the responsibility but…”
“Don’t be stupid,” I muttered. “We will raise this baby together. I want it too…”
Open shock reflected on his face. “You do?”
I pursed my lips. “Am I that much of a heartless bitch that it seems impossible that I would want our baby?”
Matteo smiled teasingly and the knot in my stomach loosened. “I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”
I punched his abs. He groaned then grinned and moved his palm over my belly. His cheek was starting to swell, making his smile look grotesque. “It’s kicking again.”
“Peanut.”
Matteo’s brows snapped together.
“That’s what I’ve been calling it for a few weeks now because I didn’t want to think of the baby as “it” anymore.”
“Peanut,” Matteo said with a small smile. “So we’re doing this? Becoming parents?”
I leaned against him, for once not minding that my belly got in the way. “It seems so.”
“Good.”
“Good,” I whispered, then I sighed. “I’m scared.”
Matteo cupped my face. “I’m at your side. I’ll protect you and the baby.”
“I know but what if I’m a horrible mother? I never wanted kids, and at first, I didn’t even want this baby. Hell, I still don’t want most of the things expected of a mother. I don’t want to lose myself completely, or stop caring about how I look. What if I can’t be a good mother? What if I don’t love it enough? Or what if it knows somehow that I didn’t want it at first?”
“We will both love the baby. And we will be good parents. Maybe we won’t ever win a parents of the year award but we’ll do our best and that’s all that matters.”
“We cuss too much and we’re both too temperamental.”
“We are. And the kid will know the best cuss words in kindergarten, so who gives a fuck?”
“The teachers might,” I said with a laugh.
“Then they can come to me and talk to me about their concerns,” Matteo said with his shark-grin.
“Intimidating teachers… we definitely won’t be voted parents of the year.”
“I knew being in the mob would be useful one day.”
I rolled my eyes. “In addition to the assload of money you make, and the sick thrill you get when people shit their pants because of who you are.”
“In addition to that, yes,” Matteo said with a wink. “Not to mention all the fun torture I get to take part in.”
I sighed deeply. “You are a crazy fucker.” I kissed him softly. “But you are my crazy fucker