huge personality. That boy would be a strong Capo one day.
“He’s getting as vain as you are,” Luca muttered with a shake of his head.
I sank down on the sofa in the living room. The women and kids were outside at the pool, and Romero had a call with one of his soldiers.
Luca regarded me. “No annoying comeback?”
I propped my arms up on my thighs, fighting the emotion that kept tightening my chest. Ever since Romero and Liliana had announced their pregnancy the noose around my throat had tightened. Their happiness had been like a punch in the gut.
Luca frowned and sat in the armchair across from me. “Matteo, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t tell Aria,” I said.
Luca tensed. I knew he didn’t like to keep things from Aria, unless they served her protection. “All right.”
I wasn’t sure if he meant it, but I found that I didn’t care. I couldn’t carry this secret anymore. I needed to get it off my chest.
“Gianna is pregnant.”
Luca’s eyes widened. “I thought you don’t want children.”
“We don’t.”
Luca didn’t say anything, realization dawning on his face. “Okay,” he said simply. “So what’s the problem if you both don’t want kids?”
His voice was carefully blank, which meant he hid his true feelings on the matter.
“I… fuck.”
Luca stood and sat down beside me. “You want the child?”
I closed my eyes. “I don’t know. I do not not want it.”
“Have you told Gianna?”
“No. I know she doesn’t want to be a mother.”
Luca remained silent and his expression was tight. I knew he still wasn’t Gianna’s biggest fan. “It’s not just her decision.”
“She said the same but it’s her body, Luca. She should decide. We men can pretty much keep living our life while the women have to go through pregnancy, labor and later raising the kids. Let’s be honest, Aria’s doing most of the work.”
Luca frowned. “I’m trying to spend as much time with Amo and Marcella as possible.”
“Don’t get defensive. You’re a good father.”
“You’d be a good father as well.”
I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Luca. It’s a miracle that you manage to be a good father after what our father did, but maybe I won’t be as lucky.”
“You’re a good uncle. Amo and Marcella adore you.”
“And I adore them. I’d die for them.”
Luca squeezed my shoulder. “I know.”
I shook my head. “We have the appointment to get rid of the baby next week.”
“Maybe Gianna should talk to Aria or Lily. They are mothers, maybe they can help.”
“Luca, they are mothers. What do you think they will say? Do you really think Aria won’t try to talk Gianna into keeping the child? She’ll only make Gianna feel bad.”
“Of course, Aria won’t be in favor of abortion.”
I stood. “We are fucking killers, Luca, so don’t look so fucking high and mighty. We’ve killed more men than we can recall.”
Luca glared. “We are. But I would never kill my child.”
“Fuck you,” I growled and turned around.
Before I was out of the front door, Luca caught up with me and gripped my shoulder. “Matteo, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s your and Gianna’s decision, okay? I have absolutely no right to judge you.”
“But you do.”
Luca sighed. “Having kids changes things. When I imagine that Amo and Marcella wouldn’t be here…” He shrugged, but in his eyes, I could see the anguish only the thought caused him.
I nodded because I got it. Or at least I thought I did.
Luca had changed so much since he’d married Aria and again since they had kids, at least part of him had. His murderous, psychotic side was still intact but carefully separated from his life as a husband and father. It was something I admired greatly. My life hadn’t changed that much in the last decade, apart from having found happiness with Gianna and being monogamous, I still lived for the thrill but so did she. A child had never been part of the plan.
I wasn’t sure if it fit into our life, and even less sure if Gianna and I were capable of being parents, of pushing our own needs back at least for a while.
Maybe we could, and that small flicker of uncertainty was the worst torture when I thought about our appointment next week.
Gianna
I could feel Aria watching me as I prepared tea for myself. “No coffee this morning?” she asked curiously.
“I’m in the mood for tea and I still don’t feel all that well.” Usually the morning after my birthday began with several espressos to fight the hangover and wake my body