my lips. Closed mouth, of course. “This makes me very happy, Liv. Very happy. Come on.” He takes my hand and leads me upstairs, pausing only to shut off the lights. “Normally, sexual desire and a flood of neurochemicals would progress quickly from this point, but I request that you perform your nighttime rituals first so that you will be as comfortable and relaxed as possible. This will be a practice run, but we need to keep things as close to the way they will be when it matters if we are to make the necessary adjustments.”
I wince through the stabbing pain in my chest at his comparison to all the other times he’s led a woman upstairs. It’s only a small relief that his goal was never to make a baby with any of them. “Are you going to perform your nighttime rituals, too?”
“Yes,” he responds simply, ushering me into the bedroom we’ll share for a few months. “You may have the bathroom first. I will prepare things here in the meantime. Please do not skip any steps in your normal routine, but I must also ask that you refrain from using any overly scented products.”
I grin at him. “So, no primping for you?”
His expression is serious. “Absolutely not. It is unnecessary for you to alter yourself in any way for this to be successful. I have always been attracted to you. Becoming aroused enough to penetrate you will not be one of the issues we may need to address.”
His words stop me in my tracks.
I place a hand over his heart that’s beating wildly beneath my fingers.
He covers it with his own and stares at me like he’s waiting impatiently to answer more questions.
“You’ve always been attracted to me?”
“You are beautiful,” he says firmly. “Why should this be a surprise?”
“You never told me,” I whisper.
He frowns. “Our best friends relationship did not allow for me to confess my attraction to you.”
“Have you never come across the term friends with benefits?” It’s a horrible question and so much less than I’ve ever wanted from Ollie. With his proclivity for sex though, I can’t believe he didn’t at least broach the possibility.
He nods, but his frown deepens. “I am familiar with the term. I am also familiar with the way that arrangement typically ends. To be clear, it is not good. We are still best friends because we never entered into that sort of doomed from the start agreement with each other. If anything, it would have made far more sense to draw up plans for marrying each other if we did not find a more suitable life partner before our thirtieth birthday.”
I gape at him. “We aren’t thirty yet. Would you like to draw up those plans? Your mother would be thrilled.”
“That,” he whispers, his eyes darting between mine. “Is a very big reward, which should warrant the requisite amount of hard work to achieve. I am afraid two months would not be long enough to convince you. My mother’s wishes should not be a factor in your consideration of choosing me as your life partner.”
“It wouldn’t take much convincing,” I mutter. “How is a baby not also a very big reward which requires hard work?”
His brow furrows as he thinks about how to answer. “Making a baby will not necessarily feel like work. For me. More so for you. Many people conceive children with no thought at all. Raising a child would be a lifetime commitment. Allowing me to have a meaningful role in our child’s life would be something else for me to earn. Though I would have nine months to prove my worth in that regard.”
“You’re worthy, Oliver. You have nothing to prove to me,” I insist.
“It is the only way I know,” he says, closing his eyes then resting his head against mine. “I have never attempted such life-altering feats before. Please do not minimize their magnitude by asking me to act thoughtlessly and selfishly.”
I wrap my arms around him and whisper against his chest, “We don’t have to do this, Oliver. You’re the best friend in the world to commit yourself to giving me something you know I want so badly, but it has to be what you want, too. Please don’t saddle me with the guilt of burdening you with responsibilities you’re not ready for. I can’t bear that.”
He pulls away, then lifts my chin with his hand. His gaze is steady. “I am ready, Liv. I never believed I would be given