a fear of what's in that little square window. Closer and closer, I stalk forward, eager and petrified, tense and frail. All while not knowing a fucking thing.
Every nerve in my body is charged, I can feel the electricity as it rushes through my veins, percolating my blood under the skin.
My eyes close instinctively as I pick up the test. Pinching it in my fingertips, I have it by both ends. I'll count it out, I'll give myself the three count, and then I'll look. I can't stand here forever, wondering, questioning, forever trapped in my bathroom afraid to know the truth.
The words come out softly, but I have to say them out loud. I need to hear each number or I might chicken out and never look.
“One. . .”
“Two. . .”
“Three—”
“Fuck.”
16
Phade
“Where is she? Where the hell is she?” Daniel throws his arms up and stalks back and forth, moving between the windows and the door that leads to the hall. He pokes his head out, growling when he still doesn't see her. “She knows she was supposed to be here at seven, it's almost eight-thirty!” His voice is deep and rugged, like he's holding his breath.
The thick vein in his neck is throbbing, like a worm under the skin. His face is flush, his eyes bulging from the sockets. I half expect his head to fly off his neck any second if he doesn't calm down.
“Relax,” I say, looking in the mirror and watching him behind me. “She'll be here. She won't flake on this. She knows it's important.”
Daniel whips around, his face twisting into this melted clown mask of concern and anger. “She better, she better show up.” His teeth drag over each other, nostrils flaring. “If she doesn't, it'll reflect badly on me. I won't have her fucking up my image too. I've had enough of that with you.”
Shrugging him off, I go back to looking at myself in the mirror. “Daniel, we've both been doing everything you asked us to. Sylvia has gone above and beyond for you with this. I think you could have a little more faith in her.”
I'm trying to be calm, relaxed, and not lose my shit on him. He's a user. Even his own family isn't safe. It bothers me, but I don't want to make a scene at the studio. I'm going to behave, reign in this beast of a man that lives inside me, and not run with my fists out all the time.
“Faith?” he chuckles as he runs his hand down his throat. Tipping his head back, he scratches his chin. “Faith is just a mirage people try to grasp when everything around them is falling apart. I don't believe in that shit. I don't look to a higher power to grant me wishes. It comes down to one thing—loyalty. Is she loyal enough to me, to you, to her job, to make the right decision?”
Turning to face him, I tilt my head. “You honestly doubt her loyalty to you?”
A woman with short black hair sticks her head in the door and yells, “Fifteen minutes!”
Daniel nods, waving her away with a hand. “Yes, I know, thank you.” His eyes flutter back to mine, glinting like gunmetal steel. “I doubt everyone's loyalty, Phade. Sylvia included. She isn't special.”
“She's your family.”
I'm actually shocked that he even thinks he has to question what she's willing to do for him. It's more than obvious that Sylvia is willing to walk through fire for this man. He barks and she jumps, he commands and she bows. What more confirmation does he need?
“She's not blood, Phade.” Pulling a comb from his pocket, he drags it through his graying hair, turning to the face mirror behind me. Taking a few steps closer, he eyes himself, pulling his hair tight against the scalp. “I married her mother, that's all. She isn't my child; she'll never be my real child. I don't owe her shit.”
Shaking my head, I'm doing everything in my power not to fucking hit him, except he's making it extremely difficult. Even the look in his eyes deserves a visit from my knuckles.
“You don't owe her? You're really going to stand there and pretend like Sylvia means nothing to you?” My fists clench at my sides, jaw bearing down as I grit my teeth.
Slipping the comb back in his pocket, his lips crinkle up. “Why should she mean anything to me? Like I said, she doesn't belong to me.” Holding out his hand, he