“but the memories, the reminder of those treasured moments we shared during their lifetimes, are worth it. You have to take the bad with the good. I will always hold them close. The pain reminds me of how great a loss their presences are in my life, but I know I feel that pain because of how much I loved and was loved by them.”
“I think she loved me,” I said. “My mother.”
“I’m sure she did, sweetheart. Are you ready to find out?”
I nodded and pulled back. Damien’s hand interlocked with mine, and he led me toward the couch that lined one wall of his office. He sat and didn’t give me a chance to sit next to him before tugging me down into his lap. His arms came around me protectively.
“Close your eyes, Nix, and relax. Let me into your mind and don’t block me out. If it gets to be too much, just say the word. I’ll need to pull out slowly so as not to damage any of the memories I touch upon, but I’ll leave as fast as I can.” Damien waited for my slow nod, and the hand that rested on my leg smoothed over my thigh. I focused on the repetitive motion, letting it calm me.
“Try to think of your mother. Any piece of her that you remember will help me latch onto the remembrances I’m looking for in your mind.”
I closed my eyes and thought back, trying to do as Damien instructed. “I remember she had a sweet laugh. It always made me smile.” My lips pulled up in the corners. “And she had dark eyes like I do. I think I look like her.” Flashes of tanned skin and warm, chocolate eyes swam into my mind.
“There. That’s it. Hold onto that memory, Nix.” Damien pressed further into my mind, and I gasped as he brought forth a clear picture of my mother.
“She’s beautiful,” I whispered, unable to hold back the flow of tears. I saw image after image of her as memories played out like videos in my mind.
She laughed, swinging around a toy bunny as she played with me. Her eyes were kind and loving. She held the bunny by his ears and made him dance while I giggled uncontrollably.
“I remember how hard she worked to buy me that rabbit,” I told Damien. “I used to go to work with her, and I’d hide in the janitor’s closet while she finished her shift. We didn’t have much money, but we had a lot of love.”
“What should we call him, hmm?” she teased, reaching out to tickle my chin with the stuffed tail.
“How ‘bout Mr. Fluffbutt?” I giggled, and she threw her head back and laughed.
“If that’s what you want to call him, then that’s his name,” she agreed.
Another memory revealed the tense lines around her eyes when she tucked me in night after night, many times in a new location.
I gasped. “I remember the motels we used to stay at. I didn’t like them, but it was better than living in our car. She tried so hard to make sure we always had a warm room to stay in at night.”
“I love you, my sweet little Annika,” she whispered into my ear, stroking my hair lovingly while my eyes closed, coaxing me into a deep sleep that I was sure she never shared. “I’ll keep you safe.” The glint of gold caught my attention as the memory faded from one into the next.
“She was wearing the bracelet.” I clung to Damien, my brows pulled together as I focused as hard as I could, trying to brand each memory into my mind so I’d never forget my mother again.
“Do you want to keep going? We can stop—”
“No!” I shook my head and then said it again, softer this time. “No. I want to see more.”
The memories were fuzzy the younger I was, but the ones from when I was four were clearer, and the images from when I was five were the sharpest.
“Where are we going, Mommy?” I asked for the millionth time. The wind played through my hair from the open window of my mom’s car. It didn’t look like much, but she’d worked really hard for it and the gas she was always putting in the tank.
“Really far away.” She smiled, trying to hide whatever was bothering her. “To a brand-new place. We’re going to have a home now.”
Another memory.
“This is so pretty!” I sighed, running my little fingers over