restrained was exhilarating. I felt owned, wanted…needed. This small moment, the use of the thick leather, soft and bound around my ankle. A wall shattered around us. The big beautiful strong man holding me in such a way, I felt fragile but powerful. A woman. Not weak. No longer a victim.
“Does it make you nervous?” I asked, cupping Matteo’s hand that was wrapped around my bound foot.
“Yes,” he responded without any hesitation. “I’ve never been a man who wanted to control someone’s life. During sex, yes. I live for it. It’s how I’m wired. How I was fucking forced into it.” His breathing became shallow. “But you came along and submitted to me in ways…” He shook his head. “I find myself needing to control you. I crave it. You asking me for permission outside of sex to do anything. To go through each day waiting for me to tell you what to do. I need you in ways I’ve never needed someone before.” Matteo pushed off the bed, pacing back and forth. “It scares me, how much I need you. This beast inside of me wants to play. Fuck.” He stopped, falling to his knees in front of me.
“Matteo.”
“Seeing my leather wrapped around your ankle stirs the darkness inside of me,” he said, ignoring me. “I want to come home and find you on your knees, presenting yourself to me. I want you to be waiting for me.”
“Sir.” I cupped his cheek. “I want that too. I want all of it. But we need to do it slowly.” The idea of giving him my all was overwhelming. Even as a young girl, when I was forced to give up my innocence, I was never there. I had learned fast how to close myself off. How to go to that happy place, taking me away from the hell that was my life.
“Slow,” he repeated, testing the word on his tongue. “I can’t do slow.”
“Yes, you can. You’ve done slow with me because I needed it. I needed to feel all of you. Every single side. I asked for it and you gave it to me.”
He scoffed. “I did it because I wanted to fuck you.”
“That is not true.”
“No?” He shoved to his feet abruptly. “I want to fuck you. Every damn day. Every single hour. I want to lose myself in you.”
“Matteo.” I wrapped myself around him. “You have me. Every time you need me, I am here. Always. I consent to anything you crave. You know that.”
He searched my face. “I thought through this I was helping you.” He sat on the bed, pulling me down with him. “But you’ve been helping me instead.”
“We’ve been helping each other.” I knelt at his feet, the clank of the chain making my heart skip a beat. I lowered my head, admitting true and utter submission. I wanted his control. Not for playing. I wasn’t into BDSM like some people were. I didn’t join the lifestyle on a whim. I was forced into it and now it was my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Shoved into it at the evil hands of monsters, Matteo showed me that the erotic trust shared between two consenting adults was beautiful.
“Marketa.”
My breath caught at the deep pain in his voice. I didn’t know what he was thinking. I didn’t know what was going on inside of him. But whatever he was battling, I would be standing right beside him, destroying whatever threatened to hurt him.
Morgan.
“Have you seen Morgan?”
“No,” he bit out.
“Has she tried contacting you?”
“Not since the last time.”
“Is this unusual for her?” My heart sped up.
“Yes,” he picked up his cell phone. “I guess it is.”
“What happens if she contacts you?”
Matteo paused, the vein in his neck straining. “I lose my fucking mind.”
Mae
“How’s everything with that dark brooding man of yours?” Nika asked, taking a sip of her wine.
I smiled, letting out a heartfelt sigh at the mere mention of Matteo. “It’s good.” It was Saturday night and Nika and I were curled up on the couch like old times. It was nice to unwind. “We have things to work through though.” I shrugged, taking a sip of my wine and ignored the scrutiny from my best friend.
“What’s wrong? Has he hurt you? Do I need to call my…er…Cello?”
I met her gaze. “Uh…no.”
Nika nodded, her cheeks reddening. “So tell me. What’s the issue?”
“I have no idea,” I cried. “I love him. And I know he loves me. We both have shitty pasts.