shoulders. The scent of spicy cologne wafted into my nostrils, easing the racing nerves twisting through my stomach.
“We go way back. Isn’t that right, Marketa?” Andre winked at me and headed back into the restaurant.
I made a mental note to call my father.
When Matteo and I were alone, I slumped back onto the bench, exhaling a deep breath of frustration. Fear rippled down my spine, banging on the walls of my mind. I tried so hard to forget. My past. The monsters that took control even though I never allowed them. I tried to forget looking into my mom’s eyes as the life left her.
“Mae?”
Dropping my head into my shaky hands, I took several cleansing breaths. Why did I never notice who Andre was? Why did I never recognize him? “Take me home,” I pleaded softly.
“Come with me, beautiful girl,” Matteo said, his voice gentle. He pulled me to my feet, wrapping his arm around my waist. “We need to talk.”
And that was when a sob escaped me. My body shook, racking with cries I had held in for so long. The overwhelming grief from losing my mom. The fear that threatened to consume my soul.
At one point, Matteo spoke into his phone, talking to someone. He told them he was taking me home.
I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t focus on anything more than Andre’s words. The underlining threat that hid beneath them.
Matteo lifted me, gently placing me in the passenger seat of his SUV.
Curling my feet under me, I hid my face in my hands, swallowing the sorrow that took up residence in my soul. This was why I closed off my feelings. This was why I wouldn’t allow them to show through. They hurt. Too much.
Mom, I miss you. So so much. I’m scared. I’m terrified of what I’m becoming. Please, God. Don’t let my past come back to destroy me. Mom, I’m sorry. So…sorry.
“Let it out, Marketa,” Matteo said soothingly from beside me.
“I…” I hiccupped.
“Eyes on me, beautiful girl.”
I couldn’t. As much as I needed to listen to him, I didn’t want to see the judgment in his eye. I didn’t want him to see how truly broken I was.
“Look at me.” Matteo’s firm command pulled me from my thoughts.
I turned his way but kept my gaze on my hands folded in my lap.
“Look at me, Marketa,” Matteo said, cupping my cheeks and brushed his thumbs under my eyes. “See me. See my face. Let it be the last thing in your mind before you close your eyes.”
“Matteo, I can’t,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Please.” His warm mouth covered mine in a soft kiss. “I need you to look at me.”
“I can’t. I…I refuse to see the judgment in your eyes,” I sobbed.
“Shit.” He kissed me again and tilted my head, forcing me to look at him. “I would never judge you.” His brows narrowed. “Do you understand me?”
“I…I…”
“Do you?” he ground out through clenched teeth.
I nodded. “I do. I’m sorry.”
“Stop. We’re going back to my place. But first you’re going to curl on your side and close your eyes.”
“But I—”
“I want you to see just me. Let me help replace those memories with new ones. See me, pet.” His plea of desperation and the new term of endearment made my heart speed up.
All I could do was nod as I closed my eyes, curling onto my side. Placing my head in his lap, I let out a heavy sigh.
“Picture me in your beautiful mind.” His large hand brushed the hair off of my forehead. It moved across my head, petting me, caressing me until all I could focus on was Matteo. “Feel my touch. I won’t hurt you, Marketa.” Unless I asked for it, went unsaid.
When the vehicle pulled to a stop ten minutes later, my body felt light, whole. At peace almost. But I knew it wouldn’t last. It never did.
“Keep your eyes closed,” Matteo said, lifting me to a sitting position. “Open.”
My lids fluttered open, landing on the darkest pair of eyes I had ever seen. I could get lost in Matteo, drown in his scent and bask in the rumble of his deep voice.
He cupped my cheeks, kissing my forehead. His lips moved down the bridge of my nose before landing on my mouth.
My lips parted, hinting, begging for him to erase this anxiety constantly growing inside of me. I breathed in deep, inhaling the strength he had tried so hard to give me. “Matteo.” I sighed, savoring the softness of his lips