the apartment, slamming me hard against the door.
My ears rang, my back teeth vibrating at the impact.
“You want to know what’s been going on?” he snarled, wrapping a hand around my throat. “You think you can handle knowing what I’ve been through these past couple of days? You think you can handle the demons inside of me? What would you say if I told you I’m a monster? I’m the darkness under your bed. The shadows lurking in the corners of your nightmares.” He licked up the side of my face. “Well I will tell you that there is something far worse than me. Something so fucking terrifying, it makes the Devil look like a fucking puppy.”
“Matteo,” I whimpered.
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Little girl, you can’t handle my darkness.”
“Yes. I can.”
His eyes were wild, darting back and forth. He turned my head, pushing my cheek against the wall. “You think you can handle this?” he growled. “Prove it. Show me you think you can handle me.”
“What happened to you?”
“Show me!” he yelled, slamming a fist against the wall beside my head.
Something inside of me snapped. All of the anger, frustration, pure hard rage that had built up over the years, bubbled forth. I grasped onto those feelings, embracing the fury and shoved him back.
“You think I can’t handle you?” I screamed, pushing him.
His eyes widened.
“You think your darkness is worse than mine? That bad shit only happened to you?” I could no longer control the words leaving my lips. I took a step forward, forcing him back. “My mom died saving me. Men my family trusted. Men I grew up knowing, attacked me. They brought me to this BDSM club and forced me to do things you’ve only seen in your nightmares. But you don’t see me shutting myself out from everyone. Do you?”
“You’ve had no emotion since I first met you weeks ago,” he yelled. “You are shutting yourself out, Marketa, whether you want to admit it or not.”
“That is not my fault!” I yelled, shoving a finger in his chest. “I try to show emotion. Do you know how many doctors have told me that I am a sociopath? Do you know how that makes me feel?”
“Are we going to compare shitty childhoods now?”
“You’re a selfish bastard,” I bit out through clenched teeth.
“What the fuck do you want from me? You want me to spill every single fucking detail about my life? You want me to tell you how fucked up I am after spending one night with you?” His cheeks were mottled pink, the words of our confessions flying around us but neither of us let up. “What do you want?” he repeated, his voice rough.
“I want you! I want you to tell me what’s going on. I want you. That’s it. Nothing else.”
“You should leave.”
“No.” I crossed my arms under my chest, leaning against the wall.
“No?” He raised an eyebrow. “You don’t want me, Marketa.”
“Don’t you dare tell me what I want and don’t want. You do not get that right.”
“Mae—”
“No!” I screamed. “That right was stolen from me years ago. You want to know what I’ve been through? Think you can handle my darkness, Matteo? This tattoo on my back, the one you stared at while fucking me like a whore. This tattoo was put on me while I was bound and gagged. It’s to remind me every damn day I lost my mom because I was too trusting. How dare I think that men who I respected wouldn’t hurt me. How dare I think they wouldn’t take turns raping me. BDSM is all I know. The lifestyle is supposed to be about trust but I was never allowed it. I was never allowed to lose my virginity to who I wanted. I was never given that right. So don’t you dare stand there and tell me I don’t want you.” I laughed. “Oh and here’s something else for your I-Am-An-Island-Attitude. This tattoo? It made me come.” I purred. “It made me so wet when the needles were piercing my skin that I came. Hard.”
Matteo’s brows narrowed.
“You want to know how? Those men used a vibrator on my clit while the tattoo was being etched into my skin. Thanks to them, I crave pain and I don’t know how to stop it. Thank you, Dr. Santos, for making me feel like a freak. So don’t try and scare me with orgasm torture. It won’t work.”
“I…”
“Don’t know what to say, Matteo?” I seethed. “Aren’t you going