Thank you for telling me. God, I’m sorry. So sorry, Allie. Shh. Oh, damn it, honey.”
He was sure she was going to make herself sick. But maybe, it occurred to him, she needed to surrender to all this hurt. Had she ever let herself cry like this? Somehow he doubted it.
He understood so much about Allie now. Her astonishing physical grace and poise, the seemingly unconscious care of every small movement down to the tilt of her head and any casual gesture of her hand. The creativity and absolute commitment she brought now to her quilting, learned as a young girl pursuing an entirely different passion. The shyness and caution that made her so guarded and even aloof. Her delight and surprise at moments of real intimacy.
The way she identified with Sean.
Her odd reaction when they talked about the possibility of changing the dog’s name. That must have hit painfully close to home.
The crying slowed at last. By the time the final sob shook her slender body, Nolan was probably in as much distress as she was.
He wanted to take care of her, to save her from ever feeling this kind of pain. He hated everyone who had ever hurt her. He was furious at himself. And yet, the huge bubble of emotion in his chest was something altogether different. It was gratitude, because she had opened up to him even though doing so had been enormously difficult for her.
“I love you,” he said hoarsely. “I love you.”
She stirred at that. He loosened his arms so she could straighten and see his face. Her face, blotchy and swollen and wet, had never looked more beautiful to him.
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do. It’s been killing me by inches, knowing you were hiding one hell of a lot. You’ve been tearing me in two.”
Her face worked again. After a struggle she regained her composure. “I’ve been breaking into a thousand pieces. Oh, Nolan. I love you. I do. I was so afraid.”
She loved him. The knowledge blazed inside him, torching every last doubt or fear. He bent forward until his forehead touched hers. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you.”
Allie still hadn’t released her grip on his shirt. From this angle, he could see her two fists clutching onto him. He liked knowing she wasn’t willing to let go.
Her slight nod bumped against his head.
“Do you feel better now?” He squeezed her neck. “Or worse?”
“I...don’t know,” she admitted. “Somehow I have to put myself back together, and I have no idea how.”
“I’ll do anything I can to help. Anything.”
On an inarticulate exclamation, she pressed her mouth to his. The kiss hurt for a minute, their lips jammed between their teeth. That bubble in his chest expanded until he couldn’t breathe. He opened his mouth and coaxed her to do the same. The next instant, they were kissing deeply, passionately, utterly lost in each other.
“Love you,” he growled, pulling his mouth away long enough to kiss her neck.
She took the opportunity to bite his earlobe. His body surged and he rose to his feet, adjusting Allie so that she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.
He wasn’t sure he’d make it to the bedroom, but there was no sofa in the living room and not much floor space, either.
Somehow he made it around the quilt frame and stumbled down the short hall and through the door into her room. She didn’t help matters, her mouth open and damp on his throat, her tongue slipping out to taste his skin.
Nolan collapsed with her onto the bed, his weight compressing her into the mattress. If she minded, it wasn’t obvious. She moaned and lifted her hips to cradle him.
Their clothes disappeared. Fabric ripped at one point. Getting a condom on was a miracle. Driving into her felt better than anything ever had in his life. The only way to silence the guttural sounds he was making was to kiss her again.
Her fingernails bit into his back. He’d lost all ability to take this slowly, to handle her gently, but she didn’t seem to want that. She met every thrust with a ferocity that matched his urgency. He wasn’t going to last, but he had to wait for her. He gripped her buttock and lifted her higher.
She cried his name and came in spasms that destroyed any last remnant of control he’d held on to. He pounded into her, blind, deaf, the pleasure barely short of pain. “Love you,”