chest, my tears rolling over the nylon of his jacket. “I’m sorry I can’t give you that life. I wanted to. So badly.”
Dad stroked my hair. “Oh, River, my boy. You’re still here. There’s nothing more important than that.”
I was released from the hospital a few days later with my broken wrist in a cast and a sling to support my fractured clavicle. They gave me a prescription for pain meds and warned me that I could have headaches, dizziness, insomnia, and a host of other residual symptoms from the concussion.
I spent three days with Mom instead of school, making up for the time I was away from her. Because it was even more clear when I came back, that days were all she had left.
I sat with her, and when she slept—which was often—I called or texted Holden. No answer. Every day that went by without hearing from him scared me more. I knew him. I knew he blamed himself for my accident. Dad had told me how pale and terrified he’d been that night.
Don’t do this, I texted him. I’m okay. Please talk to me.
I wondered if he was drinking himself into oblivion.
I wondered if he’d already disappeared
With only one week of school left, Mom insisted I go back and enjoy the “last days of school” energy and spend time with my friends before college pulled everyone apart.
I agreed to one day and walked in to find the entire school whispering about me and Holden.
They’d watched me chase after him on Prom night, and then Frankie Dowd’s dad had been called to the scene of the accident. He’d given Frankie all the details, making sure to note how “distraught” Holden had been over me.
“Crying and puking, he was so scared,” Frankie said, snickering with some friends as I passed by that day at school. “Tsk tsk.” He shook his head at me. “You’re so mean to make your boyfriend worry like that, Whitmore.”
“Shut up, Frankie!” Violet McNamara shouted as she fell in step beside me, linking her arm in mine. “He’s an asshole. Ignore him.”
Violet had been the only person to visit me while I was in the hospital, despite her own pending heartbreak. Miller Stratton’s record deal was moving fast, and they wanted him in the studio recording. Their separation was days away too.
She looked up at me with her dark blue eyes. “How are you?”
“Since the last time you asked?” I said, smiling fondly.
“I’m going to be a doctor. I need to get my practice in.”
“I’m good. Any word on Holden?”
“Since the last time you asked?” she countered gently. “He hasn’t been at school, and he hasn’t been hanging with Miller or Ronan at the Shack. Not since the day after the accident.”
“The Shack?”
“It’s this beach hangout the guys found. We—Shiloh and I—sometimes hang out with them there.”
Holden never told me about it. Never took me, to protect my privacy.
We passed another cluster of whispering students who were doing a very bad job of hiding that they were talking about me.
“Ignore them too,” Violet said. “Though it’s not every day the big, hunky quarterback of the football team comes out as gay. Half the school is in shock; the other half thinks you’re even sexier than you were before.”
“No…”
“I only speak the truth.”
Harris Reed from Calculus class approached, his violin case banging at his thigh. “Hey, Violet. Hey, River.”
“Told you,” Violet murmured out of the corner of her mouth.
I grinned. “Hey, Harris. What’s up?”
“I just wanted to let you know that I heard about your accident. I’m really glad you’re okay.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
His eyes went to my arm in its sling. “No more football?”
“Nope, but for different reasons.” I smiled. “It’s a long story but I’m good. Really good.”
And that was the truth. The rumors and curious glances bounced right off me. Including those of Chance and Donte and the guys. It stung a little that they pretended I didn’t exist, but if my coming out dissolved our friendship, then they weren’t important.
We chatted with Harris for a bit and then I noticed Ronan Wentz leaning against a wall where he and the other Lost Boys hung out. He was alone that day and strode toward us when he saw me.
“Uh oh,” I said to Violet, nodding my chin. “Think he’s coming to kick my ass?”
“He’s a big teddy bear once you get to know him.” Then her smile tilted. “Although, I wouldn’t rule it out…”
I snorted a laugh, taking in the tattoos inked