in this area.”
“You mostly stayed in Roxbury?”
“With Vanessa, I lived in Dorchester for a bit and Jamaica Plain, but she seemed to like Roxbury the best. I don’t know; maybe the drugs were better here.” She paused. “Gran has had the same place for as long as I can remember. She liked it because it’s so close to the train station, and she used to take the orange line to work. She was a seamstress for a small shop in the Back Bay until arthritis made it impossible for her to sew.”
None of the areas she’d mentioned were any safer than Roxbury.
I lifted her hand and held it against my lips, kissing the backs of her knuckles. “When did you move in with Gran?”
“When I was twelve.” She looked straight ahead. “Vanessa overdosed one night, and one of the junkies who lived with us carried her to the clinic. Before he took her, I was shaking her. Her lips were blue, mouth foaming.” She sighed. “It was fucking awful.” She finally glanced at me. “The next morning, when she got discharged, she came home and didn’t have anything to shoot up. She took me to her dealer’s house and didn’t have enough cash for her usual, so he fronted her, but he wanted something for collateral.” She bit her lip, breathing heavy. “She left me there.”
“Tell me you’re kidding.”
“For four days.” She glanced down, and I saw the pain in her profile. “She had known she was going to use me as collateral—that had been her plan all along.”
I squeezed her fingers, giving her every bit of strength I had.
“I always protected her, always took care of her, always made excuses for her. But once she finally came and got me, I went to Gran’s, and I never looked back.”
“I understand now.” I kept her fingers against my mouth, still kissing them. “I wouldn’t call her my mother either.”
Her eyes softened, and within a few seconds, she whispered, “Ashe … we’re home.”
Her building didn’t look different than any of the others, except the front steps were shattered with massive gaps between the breaks. Instead of grass, the property was surrounded by dirt, the snowfall that had just melted making it muddy. She took me around the back, where the lock had been broken and was dangling out of the door.
Instead of the elevator, we rushed up the stairs and down a hallway, Pearl opening the third to last door on the left. The paint was flaking off, but at one point, it looked to have been teal.
“Gran,” she said once she stepped inside, “I’m home, and I’ve brought Ashe with me.”
“Dollface,” I heard as I closed the door behind me. “Happy New Year.”
Pearl walked straight past the kitchen and into the living room, where Gran was sitting on a couch against the wall. Pearl sat next to her, kissing Gran’s cheek, and I watched Gran’s fingers hold Pearl’s face.
“Gran,” Pearl began as I entered the room, “this is Ashe.”
She couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds with gray hair and heavily wrinkled skin, eyes that were warm and endearing, like Pearl’s had become.
“The hands are fragile,” Gran said as she held one out to me. “You’re the size of a football player, so just don’t go and tackle them.”
“He’s gentle, Gran.”
I let her fingers fall on my palm, and I surrounded them. “It’s such a pleasure to meet you. Should I call you Gran?”
“Gran or Esther—either is fine.” She pulled her hand back and patted Pearl’s lap. “Switch here with my Pearl. I want to take a good look at you.”
Since there were no other seats in the room, Pearl moved to the floor while I took her place, immediately feeling Gran’s gaze on me.
“He’s very handsome, dollface.”
I quickly glanced at Pearl as she said, “I know.” Her cheeks flushed a little. “I’m very lucky, Gran.”
She patted my knee so softly that I barely felt it. “Thank you for taking such good care of my baby. She’s extremely special to me, as I imagine she is to you.”
I nodded, feeling myself take a deep breath. “I care about her a lot.”
“I can tell.” She looked at Pearl and said, “Dollface, would you mind fixing me some tea? The wind has been coming through these windows all morning, and I can’t get rid of this chill.”
“Of course. I’ll also turn up the heat.” She rose from the floor. “Can I grab you anything?”
Gran’s hand rested on my shoulder. “She makes