than for me. “You’re right,” he says, walking over to where I sit. “You’re right. The audition. I’m so proud of you, Peak.” He leans down and kisses me. It feels so right, so loving, that I almost don’t realize what it is—a goodbye.
I grab on to his sleeve, but he shakes me off. “Ridley.”
“It wasn’t fair to ask. I’m not thinking straight.”
“Ridley, stop. Seriously, you’re scaring me. Stay here for tonight. It’ll be okay.”
He exhales, his nostrils flaring as he wipes at his eyes. “It will never be okay, Peak. That’s the thing.”
And then, before I even realize what’s happening, he’s shoved open my window and thrown his bag outside, putting his hands on the sill like he aims to follow.
“Wait.” And I thought there’d be more time before it all came crashing down, that we’d get at least a few months of happiness. I thought if we could just make it to summer . . . I can’t let him go out there alone, though, not like this.
“I’m coming with you.” I glance at my cello; I can’t help it, because leaving right now feels like losing it forever. Resentment rises up inside, choking me, but I swallow it down. There’ll be time to be pissed—at his parents for failing him, at the world for putting us in this situation, at him too maybe—later. When he’s safe.
He runs his hands through his hair, linking his fingers behind his head. “Peak,” he says, letting out a hard breath. “This isn’t—I’m trying to do the right thing here. I don’t want to—I’m not going to be your black hole too.”
And I swear to god, if I ever see his father again, I will claw his eyes out myself.
“I can decide for myself,” I say, even though this is the definition of forcing my hand, but whatever. I grab my book bag off my chair and shove some clothes inside. I know this is a terrible idea, probably the worst I’ve ever had, but if I can get him through the night, then we can come back and fix it all when he’s calmer and thinking straight. My parents are going to kill me, but I don’t see any other choice.
I zip up my bag and turn to look at him, hoping I look more confident than I actually feel. Inside my stomach is churning. “Okay, let’s go.”
Ridley drops his arms and looks at me. “I’m not worth it.”
“You are.” I try to mask the annoyance in my voice. If he only realized that, we wouldn’t be here in the first place. Why can’t he realize that?
He turns around to hop out the window, but I pull his shoulder back. I nudge him out of the way, dropping my bag outside next to his. He looks at me, confused, as I walk to the bedroom door.
“Don’t you think it would be a little suspicious if we jumped out of my bedroom window? We probably only have a few more minutes before they come open the door anyway.”
“You’re going to tell them you’re leaving?”
“I won’t tell them what we’re really doing, but I’ll say you’re staying with Frankie for a few nights and I’m taking you to get settled.”
“Get me settled?” He winces. “Like I’m a little kid.”
“Ridley.” I squeeze his hand. “I have to tell them something.” And also, I’m kind of hoping I can convince him that Frankie is our best bet anyway, so it’s not really a lie.
“Okay,” he says, squeezing my hand back. “Okay.”
CHAPTER FORTY
Ridley
IT WAS EASIER getting past her parents than I thought it would be, and somehow, even walking down this cold, dark street with the weight of both of our bags on my shoulder, I feel lighter than I ever have. I don’t have to be a liar anymore; I don’t have to pretend to be anything I’m not; I can just be a boy holding the hand of the person he loves and leaving everything else behind.
I look over at Peak, and she smiles, pushing some of her hair back and tucking it behind her