her about it, she was weird.”
“What do you mean weird?” I ask.
“Just … I don’t know. Nervous or something.”
“See?” Hope surges. “Where is he? If she has Trevor, then where is he?” I address Crystal. “You’ve seen him before, right?”
“Only a few times. Honestly, I’m not sure I’d be able to recognize him.”
“Well, I can,” Jess affirms again. “It’s not Trevor.”
“Because you think it’s Jackson!” I scream. “And it’s not!” My throat is raw. “I can’t do this. I literally can’t do this.” I lurch toward my front door, pain throbbing from the base of my spine to my heels, and grab my cane. I leave my friends, the baby, even my phone.
“Rebecca!” They call after me, but I’m too quick. I disappear down the walk, make a sharp left, and press my body against a neighbor’s garage in the back, next to a ditch. Even if they pass, they won’t see me. I used to hide here as a kid, when our neighbors Nancy and Fred lived here. It was the best hiding spot in the whole neighborhood, and I’d sometimes fall asleep from waiting so long for someone to find me—which they never did. I sink to the ground and attempt to catch my breath. Crystal’s voice calls for me, and I bite my lip to keep quiet. Though Jess insists I’m wrong, Crystal hasn’t. But I haven’t come right out and asked her either: does she believe someone is out to get me, or does she think I’m out to get myself?
When her voice dies, I hobble away from the wall. I hesitate with one hand still against the brick. A neighbor’s dog barks and growls, and I pray he’s behind a fence. Part of me just wants to turn back and go home. Without my phone, it could be dangerous if I take a wrong turn. But I need to see Beth and know that the child in her home isn’t mine.
I make it to the end of the block and calculate directions in my head. I piece the street names together, imagining my neighborhood on a map. On the way, I channel every interaction with Trevor. While I’ve held Baxter countless times, Beth is strangely possessive about Trevor and never lets him out of her sight. Until the parade.
I quicken my pace. What if Jake’s already found something and is on his way back to my house? What if he has Jackson? The thought halts me in my tracks.
“Rebecca!” Footsteps pound behind me until a breathless Crystal joins me. “Where are you going? The baby…”
Guilt squeezes my heart. “I know. I just wanted to see…” I collapse against her shoulder, and once again, she’s there to comfort me.
“I can’t even imagine everything you’re going through, but I know Jackson is okay. He has to be.” Finally, she pulls away. “At least let me walk you there.”
“You’re not going to talk me out of it?”
“I don’t think that’s really an option, is it?”
In all the commotion, Crystal left without getting Beth’s address from Jess, but I remember. I search for landmarks on the way and commit them to memory. I fumble only once, when we turn a block early, but Crystal tells me the street name and we turn back to find the correct one. My thoughts have caused the ultimate distraction, and when I step up to knock on the door, a woman answers and asks if she can help me.
“I’m so sorry. I’m looking for Beth Harrison’s house?”
“Just one more over.”
I motion to my left. “That way?”
“Are you blind, dear?”
I nod.
“May God bless you.” Her screen door bangs shut. I don’t know how to tell her that sometimes I think God forgot to check my limit on what one can endure.
“Is Jake’s car here?” I ask Crystal.
“Unless he drives a Mercedes, then no.”
“At least she’s here.” I know from our conversations that Beth’s car is candy-apple red, obsessively waxed, and she bought it in cash after working for Rodan + Fields. Aside from Trevor, that car is her pride and joy.
Crystal guides me toward the front door. “What if Jackson really is here? What do I do?”
“We’ll figure it out.” Her voice cracks with tension. She slips her free hand through mine and squeezes.
I stab the doorbell and wait.
38
BEC
Beth opens it almost immediately. “Rebecca, my God. Are you okay?” She pulls me into a hug. Her fingers press against my bruised spine, and I wriggle out of her touch. “Your friend was just here.