look at me.
“You’re going to have to, because I can’t stay.”
“I can do it,” I begged. “I can be better. You just have to stick around and see it. Please, Marcelo. I…”
“I can’t, Patrick. I can’t do this anymore,” he said.
“Is this because we don’t...you know,” I couldn’t bring myself to call what happened between us in private fucking. It was more than that. I don’t think I realized it until that moment, but it was. It had been so much more. “Because I would agree to restart that part of our agreement if that’s the problem.”
He spun around to face me, his eyes red and his nostrils flared.
“Jesus Christ, Patrick. In case you forgot it was me, ME who broke it off with you. I was the one who decided we had to draw the line between our personal and professional lives. ME! And it is obvious that although we ended that issue a long time ago, you never truly moved on. You are the one who doesn’t know how to draw or respect boundaries. WE aren’t a thing, PATRICK. We were NEVER a thing and any chance that we had to be more than what we are sailed into the sunset a long time ago. YOU made sure of that.”
“Me?”
In an uncharacteristic move, he ran his hands through his hair, took off his jacket and settled his fingers on his slim hips. He looked nearly feral and, despite the seriousness of the moment, I couldn’t help but feel slightly aroused by the sight of him.
Okay, more than slightly.
“You aren’t just a horrible boss, you’re a shitty friend, Patrick. You are juvenile and incapable of responding to real, deep, human emotion. I just told you that I am still grieving for my sister and somehow this is still all about you! You didn’t give a shit about what I thought about you until it meant I might leave you. And, not because you love me and can’t live without me, but because you don’t want to have to work with Helen because she’s a woman and she doesn’t look hot in a swimsuit.”
“How did you know that? I didn’t say that out loud!” I couldn’t hide my shock at hearing my thoughts reflected back at me.
“I KNOW YOU, Patrick Dunlevy. I know you very well. But you don’t know anything about anybody else. You don’t even care to know.”
“That’s not true.”
“Did you know that your father has you followed by private security when you go to Asia?”
“Of course I do. His guys are never very good at keeping out of sight.”
“Did you know he does that because he’s afraid you’ll get your ass kicked while cruising some underaged money-boy.”
“I NEVER cruise underaged anything!”
He exhaled loudly and rubbed his temples.
“You’re missing the point...again, of course. What else could I expect of you?”
“I understand your point!”
“Really? What is it?” He crossed his hands over his chest and leaned against the wall, waiting for me to speak.
“You...want me to be a better boss and a better person. You want me to care about people that aren’t me. And you think I don’t care about anybody else, but I do, Marcelo. I care. I’m just not very good at showing it. I don’t use heart emojis and serenade my lovers. That’s just not me. But, I can be better. I can improve.”
“I hope you do,” he picked up his jacket from the chair and turned to leave again.
“You still have one more week to change your mind. I’ll show you,” I called after him. He closed the door firmly and walked away, leaving me to my thoughts.
I thought about Josh, the only other person I’d ever regretted losing, and how he looked as he walked beside his new lover. It was so obvious that they loved each other, even though they weren’t holding hands and kissing. There were no cringy air kisses or sappy public gestures. They were just two people who loved each other and weren’t afraid to let it show.
Why couldn’t I do that?
Chapter Four
“Honey, this is long overdue,” said Beau.
The six-foot-tall salon owner was the complete embodiment of his name. He was a Southern Belle, through and through, complete with a love for all things genteel, frilly, and “done up”. So much so that his manicured nails had sparkling tips and his swagger bordered on a switch. I spent a full forty-five seconds staring at his face trying to discern whether his eyelashes were a fortuitous example of nature’s abundance