But this was different. This was a loud, aggressive “Patrick”.
“If you’re not mad then I don’t know what to think, Marcelo.”
“I’m sad, Patrick. Do you get that? I had a sister who was young and full of life and laughter and she got very, very sick. So, I did what any good brother would do. I uprooted my entire life to help her. I endured the world’s worst job with the world’s worst boss and managed to make both of them mildly enjoyable so that I could make enough money to get her treatment in the hopes that ONE DAY she would be well again. And when it became clear that it wasn’t going to happen...that she wasn’t going to get better,” Marcelo’s voice broke as tears slipped down his face. “When I knew she wasn’t going to make it I worked harder to make sure that her last days were as comfortable and happy as possible. And now she’s gone, and I am sad.”
“I know that,” I said. “But it wasn’t sudden. You knew she was sick.”
“So?”
“So, why didn’t you…” I stopped myself before the words could fly out of my mouth. I saw his face get tight as if he’d just been punched though neither of us had said a word.
“Why didn’t I what?”
Why didn’t you cut it off before you could get hurt?
Those were the words that my mother had said to me. Cut it off, like a dead tree branch. I remembered how horrified I’d been when I heard her say those words. Love wasn’t something that one just cut away like a diseased limb. It was supposed to be the only thing worth fighting for. It was supposed to be the only thing worth dying for. Whether it was a vague, altruistic love for humanity or deep personal love, love was supposed to be worth any amount of pain and sacrifice. I’d believed that once, and yet here I was looking at a man whose heart had been broken and telling him that he should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve discarded that pesky love before it had a chance to destroy him.
I was a monster.
“Why didn’t you take some time off?”
“I did.”
“I mean, longer. Why didn’t you take more time off?”
“As you said, I knew it was coming. I didn’t need to spend as much time putting her things in order. We had a chance to do that before she passed. Besides…”
“Besides what?”
“Besides, I needed to return to normalcy. I needed the routine,” he looked up at me with disappointment in his eyes. “I needed to see your face.”
“Then why are you leaving?”
“Because seeing your face every day reminded me that I deserve to be with somebody who would give a damn when I died and to live a life full of happiness. Seeing you every day reminded me that I deserved more. I did what I had to do to take care of Ariana, and I don’t regret it at all. But now, I have to take care of myself so I don’t end up like you.”
Once again, I found myself speechless and struggling to catch my breath. That sucking feeling in my chest grew more intense and I could barely speak.
It turns out that I was the problem the whole time. He was leaving me because of me.
“So, you’re really leaving me,” I said. My voice was high, thin, and whiny. Hearing it made me cringe.
“We were never together. I’m leaving a job that has consumed my life so I can have a real-life,” he said.
“No, you’re not! You just said you are leaving to find somebody new! You are leaving ME!”
“Mr. Dunlevy, I—”
“Don’t Dunlevy me! Don’t fucking ‘manage’ me! Don’t you fucking dare! You aren’t just leaving so you can have your nights and weekends free. You are leaving so you can find somebody else!” I turned into a hysterical housewife, flapping my hands about and letting tiny droplets of spittle fly from between my teeth.
“Patrick!”
Marcelo stood up and took a moment to regain his composure.
“Everything you need to know, do, or sign is right there in the folder. I’ll send Helen in to go over everything with you at the end of the day.”
He turned to leave and I felt a strange panic choke me.
“Marcelo!” He stopped but didn’t turn around. “Don’t leave me. I can be better. I know I can. I just don’t think I can do it without you.”
He took a deep breath but didn’t turn back to