made from her hair.
But she didn’t have enough left for that now.
For the last time in a long time, Annalee felt her hair spill over her shoulders and around her face. The feeling was all she’d ever known. She breathed deep and took a pair of orange scissors from the barstool next to her. “I asked you here to help make me bald.” She smiled, but there was nothing funny about the moment.
At the back of the room she saw tears gather in her mother’s eyes. Same with her aunt and Mrs. Baxter. Be strong, she told herself. Jesus, give me strength, I beg You. A calm came over Annalee. “Rather than seeing my hair fall out piece by piece, I would like each of you to cut a section from my head.”
The room was silent.
Annalee swallowed. Don’t turn and run to your room. You can do this. God, help me do this. “Last, I’d like Aunt Lily to shave my head.” Lily owned a beauty salon in Bloomington. She would be best able to shave Annalee’s head when the cutting was over.
Annalee had saved the best part for last. “What will make today different, is that as you each cut a part of my hair, I’d like you to pray for me. Out loud. So that this”—she ran her hand through her hair and came out with a knot of blond—“this isn’t something happening to me against my will. But something I release… to God… while each of you prays.”
“Like a holy time.” Her dad added his voice like a coda. “I think we’re each honored that you asked us to be here, to take part in this, sweetheart.”
Everyone in the room nodded. Some had tears, but a few of them smiled. Not because there was anything happy about this moment, but as if they were trying to comfort her. Agree with her plan.
“Are you ready?” Her mom came to her side. “And are you sure?”
“Yes.” Annalee hoisted herself onto the stool. She used her phone to start a playlist of worship music. Songs she had chosen yesterday, specifically for this time. “Way Maker” by Leeland came on first. It was one of Annalee’s favorites. She slipped the phone into her sweater pocket.
Before anyone moved or started cutting, Tommy took another barstool from the kitchen and brought it alongside Annalee. Then he reached for her hands and locked eyes with her. “Right here, Annalee,” he whispered. “Keep looking at me. I won’t let you fall.”
Only then did tears fill her eyes. But they weren’t tears of sorrow or defeat. They came from the overflow of her heart, from the place that belonged to Tommy Baxter alone. He was struggling with this. Wondering why God wasn’t helping her. But he did his best to hide his frustration from her, especially now. Of course he wasn’t going to let her fall. She squeezed his hands and faced him.
In the background the first song played on. It sang of God being the way maker, the miracle worker, the promise keeper and the light in the darkness. It was true. God was with her. He held her life and the number of her days and He would make a way for her. He would work a miracle out of this nightmare. And He would keep His promises because He was the light both in and around her.
He was good. Even if she didn’t survive this cancer.
Her mom took the scissors first, and stood next to Tommy. She looked straight into Annalee’s eyes. “It will grow back, sweet daughter. The hair I’ve combed and braided and curled since you were a little girl… it will grow back.” She kissed Annalee’s forehead. “I believe that.”
Annalee nodded. Her throat was too tight to speak. Her mom lifted the scissors to her hair and cut a section. But she didn’t let it fall to the ground. Instead she kept it wrapped tight in her hand.
“Father, we come to You in acceptance of Your will, Your plan.” Her mother’s voice was soft, broken. But it grew steadier with each word. “At the same time, we thank You for the healing You are giving our girl.” She cut another small section. “Like trees pruned each autumn, we believe you will restore Annalee’s body and energy and health. And yes… even her beautiful hair.”
Then, her mother stooped down and set the pieces of Annalee’s hair on the sheet. Like they were too precious to just let drop. The song was