after a minute or so he smiled. “Your lungs, Mr. Blake, sound surprisingly healthy.” He hesitated. “I’d still like to take a closer look.”
Next he sprayed a numbing agent into Landon’s mouth. “This might feel a little strange.” The doctor checked his watch. “In a minute, I’ll slide a camera into your mouth and down your throat. Lung damage often shows itself in the esophagus.”
Ashley crossed her arms tight in front of her as she watched Dr. Berg thread the camera into Landon’s mouth and down his throat. Landon didn’t even flinch. Another ten minutes and Dr. Berg pulled the tube clear. “Beautiful! Your tissue looks pink and healthy.” He shook his head. “You were at Ground Zero for quite some time, is that right?”
“Yes.” Landon exchanged a glance with Ashley. “Until we found my buddy. He was FDNY.”
Dr. Berg pursed his lips. “I’m sorry.” He paused. “I hear that a lot.”
Of course he did. Ashley stared at her hands for a long moment. Hundreds of firefighters were caught in the collapse of the buildings that day. Their FDNY coworkers were naturally the ones searching through the pile of smoldering toxic debris. And most of them—like Landon—didn’t leave till the last body was pulled out.
Dr. Berg took Landon for his scan, and Ashley waited in the exam room. She thought about the crazy timing of this test. Their nephew Tommy had just sat in a waiting room while his girlfriend, Annalee, underwent a similar exam.
The PET scan would check all of Landon’s soft tissue, every organ and especially his lungs. If there was cancer growing anywhere, the test would show it. Ashley paced in the small room. Every tomorrow hung on what Dr. Berg found in the next hour.
Ashley pictured their older son, Cole, in his sophomore year at Liberty University. Cole, who Landon had adopted when he married Ashley. Back when Cole wasn’t even in kindergarten yet. Now Cole and Landon talked every week—about classes and girls and the ways God was challenging Cole in his faith.
What would their son do without the man who was everything to him?
And then there was Devin. Their firstborn as a married couple was only twelve. He needed his father with every breath. Same with Janessa. At eight, she would barely remember Landon if something happened to him.
Amy’s sweet face filled Ashley’s mind. What about her? She had already lost her entire birth family in that horrific accident. Could she survive losing Landon, too? Ashley didn’t think so.
She swallowed. Help me, Lord. Take away this terrible fear. It’s suffocating me.
Even with his cough, Landon was too healthy to die anytime soon. Hadn’t the doctor just told them Landon’s tissues looked healthy? Yes, exactly. Ashley was letting herself worry about diseases and diagnoses that didn’t yet exist. A story filled her heart, one that Jesus had told.
The parable of the sower, the one who threw seeds of faith into his field. Some landed on hard ground and the birds ate it. Other seeds fell on shallow soil and sprouted, but with no root systems, quickly died. And still others landed on fertile soil, where they grew and flourished.
It was the other seed condition that always concerned Ashley. The one where the seeds of faith were choked out by the weeds of worry. The worries of the world. Was that happening to her? Could her faith be suffocated by worry? Ashley wouldn’t let that happen. I trust You, Lord. I do. Whatever happens today, You hold the moon and stars and earth. So You can hold me and my family. I believe that.
Ashley took a deep breath and did what she often did in situations like this. She began to recite everything she was thankful for. Her faith and Landon, of course. And each of her children by name. Then every gift her children brought to her and to the world. Their kindness and intelligence and laughter.
Next she thanked God for her extended family, each person by name.
With every passing minute she felt more relaxed, more sure that she wasn’t invisible here on the forty-third floor in one of a hundred skyscrapers in Lower Manhattan.
She was seen by the God of the Universe and she was loved. She kept her prayer of thanksgiving going until Landon and Dr. Berg walked through the door. Landon was grinning. That was Ashley’s first sign that maybe… just maybe everything was going to be okay.
Dr. Berg folded his arms and looked at Ashley. “Your husband needs some good allergy