of it that way.
“Maybe if I get permission from my professors, I can come watch one of the competitions?” she asks hopefully. “Cheer you on?”
“I’d love that. Don’t you have schoolwork and stuff though?”
“Yeah, but I can make up my classes. I’ve been doing really well, and I won’t let myself fall behind in my homework. I promise.”
It’s so weird to be in school at the same time as Maddy. Ever since our mom died, I’ve been doing adult things like paying bills while she’s been in school, and now we’re having the same experience with classes and finals and study groups. It’s kind of crazy.
“Then, yeah. If you can… I’d love to see you. Of course I would.” After spending so much time with her—practically every spare moment—in our tiny one-bedroom apartment, not seeing her every day still feels odd and unsettling. I miss her like crazy.
“I’ll do whatever I can,” she promises. “But hey, even if I’m not there, you’re not alone, right? You’ve got people. Cam and Dmitri and Asher and that teacher you’re hot for.”
“Please don’t sing the…”
“I’m hot for teacher!” Mads sings, off key on purpose.
“You’re a real laugh riot.”
She chuckles evilly. “I’m serious though. How are they doing, anyway? Has Dmitri warmed up to you?”
Jesus. You could say that. He practically incinerated my panties, does that count?
“He’s… uh, I don’t know. We’re working things out.”
There’s a long silence on the other end of the line as I struggle to get my damn eyeliner right, then she asks, “Umm, how are you working those things out?”
“I’m not sure that’s any of your business, missy,” I tell her with a hefty dose of sass.
“And what about the teacher?”
“Roman?”
“Yeah, is he okay with you… hooking up with other people?”
“He’s actually the one who brought it up. He seems… I don’t know, he seems cool with it. He told me straight out that he wouldn’t mind sharing me.”
“Holy shit, that’s great!”
I pause, mascara halfway to my eyelashes. “Uh. What?”
“That’s so amazing! I mean… clearly you care about them.”
“What gave you that idea?”
Her eye roll is practically audible over the phone. “I saw you with all of them when I visited right before break. You can’t fool me, Ellie. You like them.”
My cheeks flush. “I… sure, we’re close, yeah, but it’s not…” I take a deep breath and try again. “Asher and Cam have been really supportive of me. They have. And we’ve had some good heart to hearts.” And crazy-hot make-out sessions. “But it’s just—we’re friends.”
“Doesn’t sound like it,” my little sis says softly.
I give a snort of laughter. “Maddy. Come on. Me, dating four men? That’s insane.”
“Is it? Plenty of people are polyamorous. I read up on it; there’s a whole community in Portland…”
The eyeliner slips from my hand as my jaw drops. “You’ve been reading up on this!?”
“Well, yeah, gotta read up on my sister’s interests, right? But seriously, Elliot. You’ve never let what other people think stop you from being yourself before. You do what you want.” There’s a beat, then she adds, “Or who you want.”
Oh. My. God.
Since when has she been the wild and crazy one? Between the two of us, I’ve always been the one more likely to take risks, to blow off steam, to have one-night stands. Maddy’s very cautious, and maybe that’s a result of our mom dying or of my protectiveness toward her, but she’s the last person I’d expect to be telling me to date four guys.
“Mads…”
“Hey, listen, Ellie. Just think about it. You guys seem to be getting really close, and they all like you. I bet even Dmitri does, even if he doesn’t like to show it.”
Yeah, if only she knew.
“I’ll think about it,” I concede, partly because I’m not sure how much longer I can have this conversation without freaking out. “And you think about coming to see me, okay?”
“Okay. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mads. Bunches and bunches.”
I hang up and finish doing my makeup, then stare at myself in the mirror.
Did that conversation really just happen?
Am I the crazy one here, or is it everyone else? Why are the guys—and my sister—acting like it’s all so simple, like I’m the one who’s lost her mind for resisting this? Can it really be possible for me to get everyone I want, to not have to choose just one of these men and shove down my feelings for the others?
I’m almost scared to find out.
But now definitely isn’t the time to think about it.
I have