eyes pleading. I shrugged and grinned—the apartment needed clearing out and the idea of him doing it alone broke my heart, let alone the security risk.
“Why are you so worried, Seb?” Eli sized him up. “We gonna find your secret stash of infomercial products?”
Seb burst out laughing and reached over Uno to shove his knee, while the dog excitedly licked his face. “At least let me help!”
“Nope.” Matt and Sean shook their heads.
Hunter joined in. “Security risks galore, dude.”
“Plus, it’s, like, fun for us to help.” Braxton poked Seb with his toe. “It’d just be depressing as fuck for you to do it, and the security risk is too big right now.”
I watched Seb. He lowered his eyes and nodded. This wasn’t easy for him. Letting someone root through his stuff. Knowing he wasn’t safe. And God help me, I wanted him to feel better. “Thanks, guys.”
I wrapped things up. “Okay so we’re waiting for any intel from the FBI.” Hunter gave a thumbs-up. “The twins have a computer guy looking at Ben’s busted laptop.” They nodded. “And you four—five, sorry, Uno—are going to clean up the apartment. Right?”
“Right.” Eli nodded.
Uno barked in agreement.
“Great. So, everyone has a way to help Seb.” I got to my feet and urged everyone to do the same. “And now, you can all get out of my apartment and stop poking around every day.”
A collective groan went through the crowd, but they said their goodbyes and filed out without too much more cajoling. With the door shut behind Uno, always the last to leave, I turned back to Seb and found him picking lint from his socks.
“Feeling okay?”
“Yeah… Just a little shaken up thinking about the apartment.” He had the same quiver in his voice and tremble in his hands he’d had when we’d been at his place together.
I crouched down beside him and resisted the urge to take his hand or hold his shoulder. I wanted to comfort him, but boundaries were more important than my own desires, so I kept my fingers laced. “You want to go back there? We can go check it out with Sean or Matt again, take a bit of extra muscle with us in case things get dangerous.”
“Nah, it’s not that, I don’t need to see it again.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, shiny and soft from using my shampoo. “Did you ever feel lonely when you had to move from one house to another?”
Foster kids always moved. Often. Eighteen months in a single place was a lifetime and I’d never made it so long. A surge of memories smacked against my heart, and I reflexively swatted them away and cleared my throat. “Yeah. Sure. Homesick?”
“I guess. It feels different, though. Like…I’m not really sad. Just, alone.” I could empathize. I’d been alone, so sad I couldn’t breathe, so desperate I didn’t want to move.
“Hm.” I knew exactly what he meant, but this was about him, not me. He glanced up, eyes wide, but I just nodded and then cursed myself when he looked away, disappointed. “You’re not alone.”
“Yeah…” He gave me a forced smile that hit me in the gut. “Not alone at all.”
That night, I awoke to a sudden shout. Disoriented, I thought I was in the lounge at the hospital, startled by an emergency patient crying out in pain. I threw myself out of bed, and still confused, stumbled into the light of my hallway. Another cry pulled me toward the spare room where Seb was writhing in the bed, kicking sheets, and gasping for air.
I rushed to his side and took him by the shoulders, then gently shook him while he struggled in my grip. “Seb! Hey. Sebastian. Wake up, Seb.”
He gasped, and his eyes blinked and opened a second before he became fully conscious. As his gaze focused on mine, his expression softened from horror to relief.
“Oh, fuck.” He covered his face and shuddered.
“Nightmare?” I remembered the nights after my mom had died, the way my mind processed my trauma with horrific flashback dreams that felt more real than reality, and my guts ached with concern for Seb. He was going through the same thing.
He pulled me closer so I was on the bed beside him, his bare skin warm against mine, under my hands, as he trembled and let out a soft whine. I hated seeing him scared and a surge of protective energy tightened my arms around him. I pressed my lips to his temple as