thoughts and emotions and God knew what else hit him at once that he couldn’t get a grasp on any one thing. He ran his hand over his mouth, his fingers remaining on his lips as he tried to make sense of what Rachel had said.
He could imagine how upset Noelle must have been that night. Though she was carefree and rarely serious, she never wanted to hurt anyone, least of all her twin sister.
And Rachel... For her to lash out, it had obviously been a long time coming, resentments that had built up for years. To think she’d held all of it in until that moment.
He couldn’t wrap his brain around his role in it, in between sisters. He’d never had any notion of Rachel’s feelings in all that time. Nearly a year between when he and Noelle had met and the day she’d died. Nearly a year of Rachel suffering silently. Of Noelle being understandably oblivious.
Until that night.
That god-awful, horrible night.
And Rachel had been living with it ever since. No wonder she’d been fighting so hard to keep it all at bay.
Cale’s eyes veered to her then, and he was stricken yet again by the pain on her face. It was evident she stood there torturing herself. Still.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Rachel,” he said, his voice sounding unfamiliar. “Being honest with someone isn’t a bad thing.”
She closed her eyes and tears overflowed at once, gushing down both her cheeks. He automatically went to her but her eyes popped open and she shook her head adamantly.
“Don’t.” The single word was full of so much torment and heartache, he flinched. “Just because she’s not here, that doesn’t make it okay for you to touch me.”
“She’s—” Cale broke off, bit down in frustration. He couldn’t sort through everything he was feeling enough to argue with her. But there was one thing he was 100 percent certain of. “Noelle’s death was not your fault. Do you hear me? Not. Your. Fault.”
Rachel collapsed onto the couch and pulled her knees into her chest. After watching her for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out what to do for her, Cale sat next to her, put his hand on her leg.
“Rachel. Come here.”
She shook her head.
He muttered a curse to himself out of frustration. “Baby, we’re not going to let what happened last night happen again. Just let me hold you.”
She didn’t respond either way, which seemed like a step in the right direction.
“Do you think Noelle would ever want you to sit there feeling so horrible and alone?” He pulled her to him and she didn’t fight it. “Would you ever want her to feel the way you do now?”
He was surprised when she relaxed into him, her forehead resting on his upper arm, her hand clutching his shirt at his waist as if her life depended on it.
They sat like that for some time. The only sound in the entire house was the sound of the rain, which had turned into steady, heavy drops, pounding on the roof and against the living-room window. Cale closed his eyes and tried to absorb what Rachel had revealed.
He’d always known she and Noelle had had a disagreement before Noelle had run out of the house that night. He’d not thought anything of it because, as he’d told Rachel, sisters argued. In the overall scheme of things, the topic of their argument wasn’t important. If they’d fought about leaving the car windows open in a rainstorm, it would have had the same result.
But knowing the truth of what had happened, he tried now to imagine how Noelle must have felt that night. More than once, she’d confided in him about how much she wished for Rachel to find happiness with a guy. He remembered when he’d been with Noelle during one of her frequent phone calls with Rachel. Rachel had mentioned a guy, apparently, and Noelle had grilled her in her overenthusiastic, well-intentioned way about whether there was potential for this guy, whether they’d gone on any dates, and more.
For Noelle to find out the guy Rachel wanted to be happy with was him... That Noelle had unwittingly come between Rachel and other guys in the past...
It must have hit her like a wrecking ball.
All this time, he’d assumed Noelle had rushed off in anger, had imagined her spitting mad as she’d driven off the island and northward, out of town. But in light of Rachel’s revelation, it had to have been much more