it emphatically. “It was fun.”
“It was...fun.” He’d stopped drinking two long hours ago and had had only two beers before that. And yet he was having trouble making sense of anything Rachel said. “You had fun? Seriously?”
“I’ll admit, I was so nervous when we got there I considered jumping in the bay and disappearing for a couple of minutes. But yeah. It turned out okay. I like your friends, really.”
“If I looked worried, it was because I figured you were miserable.”
“Let me get this straight,” Rachel said, tilting her head. “You didn’t have fun because you were sure that I wasn’t having fun. And yet, I did have fun, so you had no fun for no reason.”
Cale glanced at her as he drove, trying to make sense of both her words and her mood. “If you say so. Look, you can level with me. I can take the truth. I knew going into that that you don’t like big social events, especially when you don’t know anyone. I was thinking it would be good for you to meet some people who weren’t depending on you to save their lives immediately.”
“All true. But like I said, your people were friendly and, once they realized I’m not the same as Noelle and didn’t expect me to be the life of the party, I was able to relax a little.”
He shook his head slowly, not convinced. “You didn’t look like you were having fun.”
“And what would that look like, exactly?”
“You know...laughing. Taking part in the conversations. Loosening up a bit and having a couple of drinks. Not checking your watch every few minutes.”
Rachel leaned back against the headrest, closed her eyes and made a sound that sounded sort of like a hollow laugh. But somehow he didn’t think she was happy with him at the moment. She didn’t explain herself, though.
“What?” he asked yet again.
She looked out her window at who knew what when he stopped at a red light. It took close to a minute for the light to turn green, and yet she still ignored him. He started up again, beginning to think this short, three-mile drive was the longest of his life.
“Whatever you’re thinking, just say it, Rachel.”
She turned her gaze from outside to her lap. Stared at it pensively, as if debating whether to do as he’d suggested.
“That would be Noelle,” she said at long last in a voice he could barely hear over the sound of the engine.
He opened his mouth to question her but paused. Tried to figure out what he wasn’t understanding.
She turned her head in his direction and spoke a little louder, still not looking directly at him. “You described Noelle, Cale. Laughing, being in the middle of the fray, drinking freely...that’s how my sister had a good time.”
A bittersweet smile tugged at his mouth. “Yeah. True.”
“Not me.” Her voice was louder now. More emphatic. “That’s not me. You’re trying to make me into her.”
“I’m not... No way, Rachel. I’m not trying to make you into anything.” His voice rose a touch in volume. “If anyone knows how different you two were, it’s me.”
As he said it, they reached the Culver home. He pulled up alongside the curb and put his SUV into Park.
“You say that, but...” She shook her head sadly. “If you really knew, you’d realize that being in the middle of a group conversation makes me nervous. Listening to it, maybe throwing in a comment or two when I’m so moved, that’s where I’m comfortable.”
“Okay—”
“One-on-one conversations, totally different thing,” she continued. “I had a wonderful talk with Andie. Just the two of us.”
“Great,” he managed to say, sensing that he wasn’t going to win this, nor was he going to slow down her tirade. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“And Scott—”
“Yeah,” Cale said. “The lunch discussion? I caught parts of it. I’m sorry he was being so graphic. Sometimes in the fire department we tend to forget what normal people consider appropriate lunch conversation material.”
“Normal? Hello, I’m an emergency-medicine doctor. Pretty sure I can take a lot more of the gruesome and bizarre than a ‘normal person.’ I loved talking to Scott, actually. One of the highlights of the afternoon.”
“Okay, then...”
“And having a couple of drinks?” she continued. “That doesn’t happen to be fun to me anymore. These days, I can’t afford to lose any brain cells. Don’t enjoy the feeling of losing control. I learned my limits long ago—the hard way.”
“That’s...smart.” Just like her. Her brains had always awed him and intimidated