hand on her kayak and made it wobble.
While Rachel had had years of practice and was pretty good at staying upright, she didn’t stand a chance if he decided to deliberately tip her.
“Okay, okay. Give me your paddle.”
“Right. So you can strand me out here or force me to use this thing as a kickboard to get back to good ol’ Buck’s? I don’t think so.”
“You don’t trust me?” she said, acting overly innocent.
“I used to trust you.”
“I’ll hold your paddle while you get in and then I’ll give it right back.”
He sized her up, his eyes roving from her face, down over the top of her tankini swimsuit and back up to her eyes again. At last, he handed over the paddle. “I suppose I can swim to shore if I have to.”
“Don’t they teach you to get in a kayak in the fire department?” She lined up his paddle with hers and held them crosswise to the kayak in an attempt to give herself better balance should he rock it again.
He laughed. “Of course. You’re familiar with water rescue from a kayak?”
“Grab it right here,” she instructed, pointing at the very back of the kayak. “Go up on your chest there and let it steady.”
He did what she said and ended up back in the water.
“Easy,” she warned. “Not so overzealous. Try it again.”
“You’re enjoying this way too much,” Cale said, guiding his kayak a few feet away from her, as if it were her fault he’d failed yet again.
“It’s a little entertaining. Think of it as a mood lightener.”
“For you.”
“I’ll hold the front if you want me to.”
“I don’t.” He heaved himself up again, this time with a little less power, and managed to balance himself over the back end.
Rachel walked him through sitting up on the back and then sliding his way forward inch by inch. When he was finally situated back in the kayak, he breathed out. “That wasn’t the kayaking lesson I had in mind originally.”
“Always good to learn new things.”
“Your generosity is unrivaled.” He held his hand out and she returned his paddle. They sat for a few minutes in silence and her attention switched from him to the girls in the park onshore, more distant now. They were both sitting on the bench, one on either side of their grandpa.
“I hate to get back to being serious,” Cale said after a while, “but I’m sorry I ruined your morning, Rachel. And your kayak outing. God knows I’m not an expert on how to handle things, but...I worry about you.”
“Said the man who single-handedly destroyed a wall with a hammer.”
“That was months ago. I was much calmer today. Sometimes you have to block out the bad stuff, but if you never let it in, you’re never going to get through it. Don’t you want to feel a little better, have it get somewhat easier to handle thinking about Noelle?”
Like he wouldn’t believe, she did. But...letting in that pain without filtering it at all? No. She wasn’t sure she could ever handle that and live to tell about it. With enough time, her way of dealing with her grief would be just as effective. She hoped.
“I do what I need to do to get through,” Rachel said, a lump developing in her throat. All this time, she’d fought not to lose control, afraid that if she ever did, she wouldn’t be able to surface for days. It was self-preservation, the only way she knew to handle her loss. But now Cale planted doubts in her mind.
Their boats were side by side, touching. Cale was staring at her, his expression sympathetic. She almost preferred having him rant at her because sympathy made her want to lose it. As she’d already pointed out, she wasn’t up for that. He reached out and put his hand around hers where she held on to her paddle.
“I rented this godforsaken boat to tell you I’m sorry for the things I said at my condo. I never meant to upset you more, but that seems to be about all I can do, huh?”
“You do have a knack for it,” Rachel said, endeavoring to lighten the mood. So maybe she was an escapist, she acknowledged.
“You’re the doctor.... Doesn’t it have something to do with the Y chromosome?”
“Cop-out,” she said, stifling a grin. “It has nothing to do with genetic makeup and everything to do with personality.”
“Oooh, that’s where you’re gonna go? And here I was about to offer reparations.”
“Such as?”
“I was