makes sense, doesn’t it?’
‘What?’ Jude said.
‘The baby bird. And she’s not there now, so she must have flown away, either back to the nest or somewhere else, I’m not sure. But Frazz definitely hasn’t eaten her because he’s been in the pub all afternoon. Anyway, how was your day?’
‘Amazing,’ he said. ‘I sat in on a consultation with a group of factory workers who were going to be laid off, and it looks like we’ll reach a compromise to save their jobs. That’s fourteen families who’ll still be bringing in an income. I feel like I’m really making a difference, and I’m learning all the time. I just can’t wait to be able to get my teeth into some actual work, if that makes sense, rather than just observing and shadowing.’
‘And you must be making useful contacts,’ I suggested, pouring myself some more wine. ‘I mean, I know it shouldn’t be who you know rather than what you know, but it’s like that everywhere, isn’t it?’
Jude brightened. ‘I’ve been invited to a meeting of the Alliance for Labour Liberty tomorrow and a meeting of the Workers’ Liberty League the next day. And I’m having a beer with some guys from the Revolutionary Workers’ Alliance next week.’
I couldn’t help giggling. ‘Isn’t that just like the scene in the Monty Python film, with the Judean People’s Front and the People’s Front of Judea?’
‘I don’t watch that film any more,’ Jude said. ‘It’s horribly transphobic.’
‘Oh. I suppose it is. But they do sound just the same, don’t they? How do you know which is which?’
‘It’s perfectly simple. The Alliance for Labour Liberty is a socialist collective, aimed at changing the party machinery from within. The Workers’ Liberty League is a grassroots Marxist organisation and the RWA are – obviously – revolutionary Maoists.’
He carried on explaining, and I listened carefully. I knew that what he was saying was important, and I ought to know this stuff already. But I couldn’t stop my mind wandering a bit. I remembered how panicked I’d felt about the baby bird, and how calmly Adam had dealt with the situation. I wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t been there – it didn’t bear thinking about. I imagined the little fledgling, out there somewhere in the night, hopefully safe in the nest with its parents.
‘So you should come along,’ Jude was saying, snapping my mind back to the present. ‘There’s a speaker from the Green Party and someone from the Climate Coalition. It should be really interesting.’
‘Uh… sorry, when was this again? I’ll have to check if I can get time off.’
‘Next Wednesday. Indigo’s going to be there. She was just texting me now.’
So that was what he’d been doing, staring so intently at his phone. Texting Indigo. I felt a hollow pit of anxiety forming in my stomach, and had to remind myself that I was meant to be fanning the flames of passion between us and not stifling him.
‘Sure, I’d love to come.’ If I was honest, I’d rather have done something with just Jude and me. But if the options on offer were Jude, Indigo and me or just Jude and Indigo, I knew what I was going to pick. ‘Would you like more chilli?’
Jude drained his beer and yawned. ‘I’m all good. And shattered. I’m going to shower and hit the sack.’
I cleared up our plates and went to collect Frazzle from the bar, gave him his dinner (which he was unenthusiastic about, whether because he was still sulking about the baby bird or because he’d been fed scraps by too many of the pub regulars, I couldn’t tell) and hung the final load of washing on the airer to dry. When Jude had finished in the bathroom I got ready for bed and slid under the duvet next to him.
‘Come here.’ He held out his arms and I edged closer, leaning my head against his chest and breathing in the clean smell of him. He kissed me and I felt the now-familiar beginnings of caresses as his fingers moved from my back around to my breasts. But instead of the flickering of desire that would ignite and grow until it consumed me completely, I felt something else.
I couldn’t put a name to it at first. It was like although my skin was warm under the bedcovers and warmer where Jude’s hands were, inside me was all cold. I remembered the last time we’d had sex, two or three nights before, and how, like