the past three years.
It was easy to settle back into the routine. Enforcing came easily to me, and Gunnar and Blade were happy with my performance. I’d started teaching Heath some self-defense, too, just like I’d offered—he was an eager student who was always badgering me to learn more.
The first few sessions had been, admittedly, a little awkward. Heath was hesitant to touch me, even when I walked him through the first few holds and throws. But after a few sessions, once he got the hang of the initial moves, he began to lighten up.
The first time he threw me was in the backyard. Tex was watching us from the porch.
“All right,” I’d said as we squared up. “So if I’m coming at you like this, what are you gonna do?”
The kid’s big brown eyes had been sharply focused with determination, his blond hair pushed back with a headband. He’d said nothing, just nodded.
I’d stepped forward quickly, caught his arm, and then jerked him into a chokehold so his back was to my front. To my surprise, though, he’d managed to stuff his hand between my arm and his neck, giving himself adequate room to breathe. Before I could compliment him on that, though, he’d grabbed my wrist with that same hand as he swept one foot behind him to take my legs out from under me. I’d whooped with surprise as I fell, and Heath lost his grip on my wrist as he stumbled backward. He’d looked down on me, shocked, like he couldn’t believe it’d actually worked.
“Well, ideally you’d keep your grip on my wrist to maintain control,” I’d said. “But that was great.”
“Fuck, yeah!” Tex had hollered from the porch, waving his beer in the air. “Kick his ass, kid!”
I’d rolled my eyes. Heath, flushed with exertion and maybe a little bit of pride, had grinned sheepishly at Tex in response.
And it wasn’t just Heath—I fit in with Hell’s Ankhor. Every day, a little bit of the fear that I wouldn’t—that I’d fucked it up beyond recognition—faded.
The best part, though, was still that I got to be with Tex again. Of course it hurt sometimes having him so close yet still out of reach, but in such a familiar way that it was almost comforting. I’d hurt this way for a decade, seeing him flash that charming smile at a girl at Ballast as he ran his forefinger along the brim of his hat. This pain was a friend, in a way. It meant I was near him again. And in time, it’d fade back to its usual, scarred-over dull ache.
The only downside of being back was that when I had days or half-days off enforcement, I was faced with a new challenge:
Free time.
Every moment in prison had been regimented, from reveille to meals to yard time to lights out. I was transitioning well into club life, all things considered, but I still had moments. The nightmares were a regular occurrence—dreams of solitary, or yard fights, those cafeteria beatings from the guards. And I still hadn’t been able to let go of my vigilance. In San Quentin I’d had to be on alert at all times—Hell’s Ankhor had enemies in the joint, and some of those guys would go for me just to prove a point about the club.
Long story short, I needed something to fill my empty hours.
It’d be a stretch to call the basement of the clubhouse a gym. It was more like a big empty room with a squat rack, a bench press, a treadmill, and a pull-up bar. It didn’t see a ton of use, due to the bad lighting and the beat-up equipment that’d been there since the club first moved into the place. There was even a small locker room, though you couldn’t pay me to use the ancient shower, not when I had a perfectly good bathroom of my own upstairs. But it was a nice thing for members who didn’t live in the clubhouse, just a small space to change after working out.
I’d spent an afternoon cleaning the space up a little: changing the lightbulbs, sweeping the floor, cleaning the dust from the tall fan in the corner. With a little elbow grease, it was a nice, functional space again—and more importantly, I had a place to lift weights.
Before I’d gotten out, I’d imagined my free time in Elkin Lake as hours and hours of just riding my bike through every winding highway I could find. But as it