Don't run.
I'm not.
It seemed like forever before he replied: You should.
I debated calling in sick after that, but I didn't.
I couldn't.
I had been down that road too many times.
I knew I could so easily fall back into old self- destructive habits to dull pain.
It would kill me to lose Gideon, but I'd be dead anyway if I lost myself.
I had to hang on.
Get through.
Get by.
One step at a time.
And so I climbed into the back of the Bentley when I was supposed to, and while Angus's grim face only made me worry more, I locked it down and slid into the autopilot mode of self- preservation that would get me through the hours ahead.
My day passed in a blur.
I worked hard and focused on my job, using it to keep me from going crazy, but my heart wasn't in it.
I spent my lunch hour running an errand, unable to tolerate the thought of eating or making small talk.
After my shift was over, I almost blew off going to my Krav Maga class, but I stuck it out and gave a similar amount of focus to the drills as I'd given to my work.
I had to keep moving forward, even if I was heading in a direction I couldn't bear to go.
"Better," Parker said, during a break.
"You're still off, but you're better than last night."
I nodded and wiped the sweat from my face with a towel.
I'd started Parker's classes solely as a more intense alternative to my usual gym visits, but last night had shown me that personal safety was more than just a convenient side benefit.
The tribal tattoos that banded his biceps flexed as he lifted a water bottle to his lips.
Because he was left-handed, his simple gold wedding band caught the light and my eye.
I was reminded of the promise ring on my right hand and I looked down at it.
I remembered when Gideon had given it to me and how he'd said that the diamond-crusted Xs wrapping around the roped gold were representative of him "holding on" to me.
I wondered if he still thought that way; if he still thought it was worth it to try.
God knew I did.
"Ready?" Parker asked, tossing his empty bottle in the recycle bin.
"Bring it."