close but not close enough, and that’s something. Just keep plugging away. How long have you been in New York, six months?”
“Not even.”
“It shows. Never talk back to a director, especially Hobart Dean. He’s old school, baby. He wasn’t nice, but he was right. So learn your lesson. Show up. That’s the easy part, or it should be.” His eyes were kind in his long, mournful face. “Look, kiddo, it’s not a question of whether you want it, it’s a question of how much.”
I rolled my head against the wall. “I know that.”
“Then act like it.” The elevator door opened. “Going down?”
“I sure hope not.”
The elevator doors closed on his smile.
Twenty-three
New York City
November 1950
None of us knew what to expect that night, but even Ted Roper was surprised that a murder didn’t drive away crowds — it brought them in. A table covered the spot where Ray Mirto had died, but it didn’t stop anyone from looking for the bloodstains.
I got through the three shows dancing like a puppet, like somebody else was moving my arms and legs, pulling the corners of my mouth up over my teeth. I searched the club for Billy and Nate, but I didn’t see either of them. Nothing was good anymore — not the lights or the applause or the cheers, or even feeling at the center of everything. The center suddenly felt like a bad place to be. I was exposed, and everyone was looking.
And tonight, Billy would want his answer.
“I’m beating it out of here as soon as I’m offstage tonight, let me tell you,” Pat announced.
“You said it. My mother flipped her wig when she saw the headline,” Mickey said. “My dad’s coming to walk me home.”
“My husband said this is it, I’ve got to quit,” Edna said. Darla leaned forward, powdering her face. “I heard there’s a witness.”
That stopped all of us. “Who?” Mickey asked. “Someone from the club?”
“Nobody knows,” Darla said. “I just heard the rumor from one of the waiters, that’s all.”
Nobody looked at me. They all looked at each other, or in the mirror, and I could swear that Mickey kicked Darla on purpose.
Ted stuck his head in the door. “Thanks, kids. Tough night. Everybody uses the lounge door when you leave tonight. We got some vultures outside the main entrance.”
I wrapped my coat around me and followed the others out. Everybody hurried through the crowd outside. Nobody wanted to talk to a reporter. We could see them, hanging near the front entrance, their eyes moving, trying to pick out people to interview.
Billy was leaning against the building, waiting, not moving a muscle despite the cold. I hurried toward him. As soon as I got close I could tell that he’d seen the papers at last.
“Everybody’s entitled to a good defense, right?” he said.
“Sure. It’s the American way.”
I could feel the waves of tension coming from him, the way he held my hand, dropped it, picked it up again. The way he stretched his neck.
“He’ll never get out now,” he said. “I didn’t realize — we had a blowout tonight. I saw him as I was coming into the Lido. We couldn’t talk here, so we went out someplace for dinner. I shouldn’t have talked to him at all. He’s in with Frank Costello now? How is that getting out? Wills and trusts — my God!”
I didn’t know what to say. My brain was buzzing. How much did he know?
We walked quickly, our breath like smoke in the cold air. “He says he owes them,” Billy said. “Him and his favors.
Do you know, he actually said it was because he pulled in so many favors to get me out of that Jeff Toland jam? I didn’t ask for his help!”
But I had. I opened my mouth, but Billy kept talking.
“He runs his life on debts. I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t wait to ship out. Korea isn’t even far enough. I’d go to the moon if I could.”
“Maybe it’s true. Maybe it’s his last job.”
“I was still with the guys, we were walking on the street when I saw the headline. We all saw it. One of the guys bought a paper. We saw the name Benedict. They just looked at me. I said I didn’t know him.” Billy turned to me, his eyes anguished. “I said I didn’t even know my own father, Kit!”
We stopped on the sidewalk outside my door. I reached for his arm. “Come in for a while,” I told