said, anger in his voice now. “This is right. It just doesn’t look right. So don’t tell anybody, and nobody has to know.”
“Not even Billy?”
“Especially not him.”
“So you want me to keep a secret from him.”
“I think you can. If it helps him.” He eyed me. “You have before.”
“What about you?” I looked at him, gripping my gloves inside my pockets. “Don’t you ever give anything up?”
“I gave up my son!” Nate slammed out the words, and I saw a flash of what he would be like if he let out that rage full on. I saw Billy in him, the way you could never tell when he was simmering until he blew the pot lid off.
“So I can trust you,” I said. “That’s what you’re telling me.”
“You know you can,” he said. “For God’s sake, Kit, you’ve come to me before. You know I’m looking out for Billy, and that means looking out for you.”
“You weren’t so happy with me or my brother a couple of months ago.”
“I wasn’t so happy with Billy, either.”
“Yeah. Me, too. But I didn’t go blaming anybody for it.” I held his gaze, and he was the first one to drop his eyes. He knew I was talking about Jamie.
“Let’s forget about that day. We were all upset. You can tell Billy that you got a job, that you have a place to live, a nice place. He’ll have a furlough before he ships out, so he can see you here.” He took a step toward me, and in that quick eager step, I saw Billy in him again, and this time tears suddenly were behind my eyes and I shook my head, hoping that would clear them.
He thought I was shaking it at him and he said, “After a while, you’ll forget about our deal. I’ll never knock on your door.” He held up his hands, like he was surrendering.
I thought of telling him that Billy and I had argued that night. That the fight had been so bitter and terrible that I couldn’t remember words so much as broken glass and a heart so twisted in pain and fear that I threw up in the bushes. If Nate could see a future, all I could see was a past that blocked it out.
He walked closer and slipped the key in my pocket, looking at me while he did it. I felt his hand brush mine and could smell his soap. I had to fight not to step back.
“I can’t afford this place,” I said.
“What, you think I’m going to hand you a bill?”
“You might. What if things don’t work out the way you want?”
“I’m giving it to you, you got that? Till Billy comes back. The rent is nothing. I own the building — it’s an investment. I won’t call. I won’t bother you. You have someplace to stay, pursue your dream and whatnot. Who knows — maybe you’ll be a star, after all.”
I didn’t know anymore if I had enough for that. It was one thing to dream of something and another to come and test it.
He could always read faces. “Don’t sell yourself short.”
“I’m not,” I said. “But what’s good in Providence isn’t so special in New York City.”
“Don’t ever think that, Kitty,” he told me. “You were something else when you were twelve, and you’re something else today.”
Even for a girl who was used to compliments, there were some that delivered the goods. I didn’t want him to see the pleasure on my face so I turned and pretended to look around. I wished I could stop thinking of our apartment in Providence, crammed with beds and tables and pillows and shoes, or Shirley’s lumpy couch and the smell of Vicks that I couldn’t get out of my nose. I wished I could stop thinking of how swell it would be to pack my suitcase and tell Shirley I’d found my own place. “So what do you say?”
I held out the key to him and shook my head.
“You know the favor I did your family,” Nate said. “I didn’t want to have to mention it.”
“That’s funny, because you just did.”
“I told you back then, even when you were a little girl, you’d owe me a favor. And you shook on it.”
“You’re calling in a promise I made when I was twelve?”
Did I owe him this much?
I owed him this much.
“C’mon, I promised you dinner. How about a steak? There’s a place around the corner that’s good.”
I wanted the steak.