firmly believed in parental controls on their Internet. He stared down at the banana gripped between his knees, hoping his cock didn’t get jealous. The banana was just as long and a bit wider than the meat he pounded in the shower. His first attempt at opening the cellophane shot the pack across the room.
Billy caught the escapee and tossed it back. The second time Dave succeeded in getting… something out. Cold, squishy, and it didn’t have much of a smell.
“Okay, hold the reservoir tip and roll the condom down the banana,” Billy instructed.
Not fair, Billy’s condom was on his banana already. The yellow and green combination wasn’t pretty. Dave tried unrolling his, then turned the thing over and tried again. Slowly, slowly, he worked the latex down. Things were going well until he sneezed and the errant rubber popped off and shot across the room to land behind the dresser. Billy handed him another. “I hope I remember to get that before the next time Mom cleans in here,” he said. “Otherwise I’ll have some explaining to do.”
After a few tries, and more than a few condoms, Dave was finally capable of sheathing a banana should the need ever arise. That is, until he applied too much pressure and split the skin down one side. Ow! He didn’t even want to think about that.
Billy grinned, slowing peeling one of the spare bananas. Suddenly the room got hotter.
When Billy slid the fruit between his lips, a banana wasn’t the only thing rising from Dave’s lap.
“Keep pouring!” Billy stood by the bathtub, holding their latest victim in both hands.
“Are you sure?” Dave filled up the two-quart pitcher under the sink tap.
“Yeah, let’s go for the record!”
“If you say so.” Slowly Dave poured water into the already stretched latex sheath—blue this time. About halfway through: Pow!
Water splashed into the tub, on Billy’s jeans, and even on his face. He wiped his cheek with his T-shirt sleeve, grinning like a loon. “Now let’s try a green one!”
“We should both be experts by now,” Dave groused. They’d passed the banana test and had graduated to rolling condoms down anything roughly the right size and shape—like all four posts on Billy’s bed. The back of a spindly chair. And the broom handle. Holy fuck if they forgot where they’d put one before Billy’s mom came home.
“You forget. I was already an expert.”
Yeah, yeah. Like Billy hadn’t mangled a few bananas. “You think all that shit they tell us in school is true?” Dave asked.
“What shit?”
“About using condoms. Are they just trying to make life miserable or what?” Heaven forbid Dave should break someone’s dick like that poor banana.
He’d never seen Billy so serious. “Dude, my mom’s a nurse. The lectures in school don’t come close to what I get at home.” He closed his eyes and shuddered. “I always know when she’s worked with an HIV patient. She’s starts in on the safe sex talk the moment she gets home.”
“Aren’t there drugs to take care of HIV now?”
“They can help, but there’s still no cure. And ‘Do you really want to take a handful of pills every day for the rest of your life, and have to tell each new boyfriend your status? Not to mention side effects.’”
Dave peeked around the corner. Billy sounded so much like his mother that for a moment Dave thought she might have come home.
Billy wasn’t done yet. “And HIV isn’t the only thing you have to worry out.” He ticked off points on his fingers. “There’s chlamydia, genital warts, gonorrhea, hepatitis, herpes, human papillomavirus, jock itch, syphilis…”
“Whoa, whoa!” Dave held up his hands to cease the onslaught before his head exploded. “You can list diseases in alphabetical order?”
Billy’s face took on a pinkish hue. “Mom made me learn them.”
Oh. That explained a lot. “That report you did in health class that made you the teacher’s pet and pissed off half the class when you threw off the grading curve…”
“All from memory.” Billy tapped his forehead with a fingertip. “At least I didn’t recite the rhyme.”
“The rhyme? She taught you a rhyme?”
“Yeah. ‘If I fail to use protection, I might cease to get an erection.’ Erectile dysfunction can be caused by… ”
Oh, jeez. “Billy, I get it. Stop!” PLEASE!
“She keeps telling me how I need to take care of myself, and not let anyone convince me otherwise. Dude, any more lectures and I’ll be wearing rubber to jack off. If I tried to have sex without a condom, I probably