mark to work his hand up Michael’s chest. Deep, even breaths against his skin made him think that Michael had fallen asleep. Then, he barely made out a softly spoken, “How can you possibly want me when I’m so broken?” over the caterwauling from the living room.
“Oh, Michael.” Jay ran his hand through a thatch of blond hair that was much longer than it had been when he’d first met former Army Corporal Ritter just over a year ago. Michael had only ended his service the previous day. “You’re not broken.”
“Yes, I am. Even after all this time I still don’t feel comfortable walking down the street in my own hometown, I wake you up with my screaming in the middle of the night, and a car’s backfire leaves me nervous for days.”
“And I wake you up with my snoring,” Jay countered, “leave half-full cups of coffee on the counter, squeeze the toothpaste the wrong way, and receive at least three phone calls a day from my family.” He followed his hand across Michael’s forehead with his lips. “Oh, not to mention that you have to move junk out of the way whenever you get into my car, I leave my hairbrush on the dresser, and my clothes on the floor. Nobody’s perfect. That’s what a relationship is all about; loving someone for who they are, big ears and all.”
The reference to Jay’s large ears brought a smile to Michael’s face, a faint one, but a smile nonetheless. There wasn’t much Jay wouldn’t do for that smile.
“They’re not that big.” Michael traced the rim of one with his finger, then squirmed a bit, getting comfortable. The letdown from an adrenaline rush always left him drained. Jay, pretty cozy himself, could have stayed there forever, perfectly content. Well, if not for all the noise.
As if reading his thoughts, Michael said, “You can turn off the TV and radio now. I think I’m going to be all right.”
Thank Heaven! Jay raced to the living room, clicked off the TV, and put on a soft jazz station, a compromise between Jay’s favorite Latin rhythms and Michael’s choice of classic country tunes. He turned the music low. When he returned to the bedroom, Michael was fast asleep.
Chapter 6
Outside the chaos reduced to an occasional pop in the distance, but instead of curling up and falling asleep, Jay left the lights on, fixing a pot of coffee and a sandwich. Had Michael eaten?
Thinking of his own shortcomings, resolved to do better, he washed up the handful of dishes in the sink before locking up. He prepared a small tray of snacks in case Michael woke up hungry, adding his cup of coffee and returning to the bedroom. Next, he emptied the pockets of his and Michael’s clothes and placed the garments in the bathroom hamper, something he did all too rarely. He’d have to work harder on being a good partner. He left the lights on purposefully.
He settled on the bed with the book from the nightstand, waiting. Soon the phantom soldiers would appear, Michael’s fallen comrades, followed by a visit from a dead friend who, thanks to therapy, no longer blamed Michael, just asked him to watch over loved ones left behind.
Jay sighed, sipping coffee to stay alert. This wasn’t the first time, and likely wouldn’t be the last, that some trigger erased time, placing Michael back in the middle of a firefight— a firefight that had cost him a friend, some of his hearing and, very nearly, his life. It had definitely stolen his innocence and confidence.
Once more, as he’d occasionally done over the past year, Jay considered how much easier life would be with a less traumatized partner. But no. It wasn’t Michael’s fault, and there was no way he’d let a friend, much less a lover, deal with that kind of pain on his own. Besides, Jay’d had “easy” before, and easy couldn’t compare to now. No matter how tough the nights could be, they were worth every minute. Michael was worth every minute.
Tonight he’d been called upon, and would be called upon again, to wipe away tears, hold a trembling form, and whisper reassurances. He’d repeat the words, “It’s all right, Michael; I’m here. It’s all right,” over and over again, until his lover believed. Afterward, he’d sing Spanish lullabies until heavy lids closed over those blue, blue eyes, and Michael fell asleep again. He’d give all his worldly possessions to take the burden away, make Michael’s life something closer