We lounged around my room, talking and cuddling, and then he took me out to dinner later that night. Mom was thrilled to see him again, though Dad kept his emotions close to his chest. Even though he already had a daughter who’d been dating for what felt like ever, it was somehow different with me.
It always was.
I was the first-born. I was their pride and joy. It was different to watch me go out with a guy than it was to watch Michelle do it. Don’t ask me why; parents were a mystery I could not decipher.
We ended the night on the front porch, sitting in the dying daylight and holding hands as we talked. I’d put on a hoodie before we left for dinner, but even that wasn’t enough to shield the cold air. Winter would be here soon, and even colder weather would follow. One thing I hated about living here: the eternally changing seasons.
“Trent made himself scarce,” Calum was busy saying, opening up about how his return to home had been. I’d made it a point not to ask him, because I didn’t want to seem too worried about him going back, even though I totally was. If he wanted to tell me, he would. I would not force him. I wasn’t like that. “I barely saw him in the office, and anytime I was home, he made it a point not to be there. I have no idea how long that’s going to last, but I’m enjoying it.” He tossed me a smile, though I could tell it was strained.
Trent had been his best friend, and he’d slept with his ex-girlfriend. Hilary was her name. I tried not to think about her, because then I got lost in the rabbit hole that was my mind. What did she look like? Was she good in bed? Had he been happy with her, before she’d cheated? Was Trent her first time cheating? Countless of questions, none of which I’d ever get the answers to, because I wouldn’t say them aloud.
“What happens when you see him more?” I asked, mostly curious because I didn’t want Calum to get into any fights, to get arrested or something.
“I don’t know,” he answered, squeezing my hand. He’d pulled it onto his lap not that long ago, holding it there while his other arm was wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close as we sat on the steps and gazed up at the waning light.
Michelle had left to hang out with Kyle while Calum and I were at dinner, so I didn’t get to see her off. Mom and Dad stayed in the house, which gave us some privacy. I knew they wouldn’t eavesdrop on us; plus, it was far too cold to have any of the windows open in the house. My dad was way too uptight when it came to the electric bill to waste heat like that.
“I still get angry when I think about it,” Calum whispered. “I don’t think I can ever forgive him for what he did.”
“How long have you known him?”
“Freshman year in college, so…seven years?” Calum sighed, adding under his breath, “Damn, I feel old, now.”
Even though it wasn’t a funny matter, his last comment made me chuckle. “You are not old.”
“I am. I’m so old.”
“You are not.”
“I’m older than you.”
I found myself chuckling again. “Not by that much.” Five years, sure, but in the scheme of things, five years really wasn’t that long. When you were an adult, five years passed you by in the blink of an eye. If you weren’t careful, your entire life could pass you by.
One of the terrible things about getting older. Because you didn’t have many new experiences, you perceived time differently. Your childhood felt like an eternity, and you could remember certain things in picture-perfect detail—but when you got older, your memories blurred together, and sometimes you zoned out while you drove to work or to college, because you’d done it so much.
“I feel old,” I muttered, frowning to myself. I’d felt so much older than I was for so long now; I couldn’t remember a time when I felt like my actual age.
The hand holding onto mine loosened its hold. Calum lifted his head off mine, turning to swipe at my hair and tuck it behind an ear. “You’re twenty,” he said, smiling softly, “you’re not old.”
“I feel a lot older than that, though.”
“Why?” The arm around my shoulders loosened so he could get a good