and taunting me.
My brain is screaming at me that this is wrong, to push him away and run far, far from this place.
My heart is breaking, knowing his life was stolen from him.
The inferno is raging. I don’t know whether I am more turned on, or angry for what he’s been through.
I allow myself to kiss him back. I surrender myself to him, knowing it will never be enough, but it’s all I have to give.
A second later, he breaks the kiss and stares at me with a look of confusion. My eyes follow his back and forth as they travel between mine. He’s trying to make sense of why this captive little girl is giving herself so freely.
It’s my penance.
Maybe if I keep telling myself the same lie, over and over again, I’ll start to believe it. Believe that I’m doing it because I feel like I have no other choice and not because I can’t seem to stop myself.
“I don’t usually do things like this,” I say to him, not wanting to explain any further and hoping he lets it go.
“Are you still pure?”
The question catches me off guard.
“Yes.”
Desire pools in his stare and I think he’s going to take me right then and there. I inhale another deep breath, knowing that I’m not ready to take that leap, but trying to convince myself I am.
He closes his eyes and mimics my breathing. This is it. When he opens his eyes, he’s going to pull me into the bedroom. Or maybe he’ll take me right here, in the washroom.
He opens his eyes again, but the look is gone as quickly as it came.
“Come on, I’ll show you the rest of the house.”
Jocelyn
After Benji shows me the rest of their manor, he leads me back into the kitchen.
“Do you have any questions?”
I have so many questions; I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know what to ask that will keep me out of trouble either.
“How long have you lived here?”
Anger shadows his face and the muscle in his jaw twitches. He stares at me for a few moments before answering.
“About ten years.”
“Is it just the four of you?”
“Yes.”
That’s odd. I would have thought they’d want to stay together as a family. Or perhaps they’ve given up on that since the only one they’ve known cast them out. But there are so many bedrooms here. Why then?
“There are a lot of bedrooms for just the four of you,” I say, terrified that he’s going to think I’m being rude.
I should use this time to explain who I am and why I’m here, but I have to know. My eyes plead for him to explain more. I need to know where the rest of my brothers are.
Are they safe?
Are they happy?
“There were twelve of us at one point,” he says sharply.
He stops speaking and I want to ask him what happened, but I’m afraid. He examines me carefully. Like he’s paying close attention to my reactions. Before I can open my mouth, he walks me into the countertop behind me and boxes me in, placing his palms on the surface.
My stomach rolls with unease as the warmth I felt before mixes with crushing guilt.
“Four of them didn’t quite see eye-to-eye with James. They moved away, fell in love, got married. The other four died. Black plague.”
His gaze pierces mine. Tears slice through my eyes and I am powerless to hold them back.
“I’m so sorry,” I can’t hold it in any longer.
I need to tell him.
“What do you have to be sorry for?” his expression darkens, again.
The way he asks me, it's as if he already knows the answer. As if he’s challenging me, waiting for me to tell him exactly why it’s my fault, just so he can hear me admit it out loud.
As I reach my hands up to wipe the tears from my eyes, he takes hold of them in his large hands.
“Say it,” he commands, twisting my arms behind me.
I try to force the words out of my mouth, but fear and heartbreak steal my breath away. He knows who I am. What I did. He’s going to hurt me, they all are, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
Tears roll faster down my face now.
“Why are you sorry?” he shouts.
“It’s—it’s all—my fault!” I get out between sobs.
“What is?”
My tear-filled eyes meet his, the rage within them terrifies me.
“Mother—”
“Never mention her—either of them—ever again,” he shouts once more.
“They sent you away,” I sob. “Because of