need a lot of counseling. They begged me to trust them.
I did. Not because I had no choice, but because of their sincerity. My instincts told me to let them lead the way, for now. There were so many introductions I needed with each and every aspect of a world I was clueless about.
Every bit of growth brought happy, sad, or hostile tears. There was an abundance of emotion inside me, desperately searching for a way to escape. And every tear was needed for me to learn how to move on.
Even things as simple as clothes. I hadn’t had any in so many years, so material against my skin felt absolutely foreign.
Rain? It was monumental. I hadn’t touched a drop in twenty years. Imagine that. Something so simple, yet so precious, as water falling from the sky. Finally being mine to enjoy again.
The wonders of a ‘kitchen’ were both mindboggling and fascinating. So many foods now touching my tongue—once I was able to eat more than bland foods, such as broth.
Television?
Sal and Angel chuckled the first time they turned one on and I got up to touch the huge TV mounted on the wall. I had to! My brain couldn’t fathom what I was seeing.
When I found a bookshelf, I was mesmerized… Then angry that there were so many words I didn’t know.
Sal was so kind. “Would you like me to read to you?”
Mama…
As if I were a child again, I nodded, fighting tears and memories.
Sal grabbed one off the shelf. “Oh, this looks good.” He walked back toward the living room. It was so big it outsized the whole house I grew up in. That made it overwhelming as I had mainly been confined to one barren room.
After he sat on the couch, propping up his feet, he was shocked when I crawled into his lap. “Uh, okay.”
So ready for this treat, I opened the book he was holding, and then I laid back against his chest and burrowed in. When he didn’t start reading right away, I tapped the first page, stumped that he didn’t know the routine.
“Uh, yeah.” He peered over his shoulder and mumbled, “This is going to fly like a lead balloon.” He then began to read the book.
A few pages in, Angel walked into the living room. He jolted to a stop.
I waved. “A book!” And pointed. “Sal is reading it to me!”
My nose scrunched as I tried to imitate Angel’s flaring nostrils.
Sal asked Angel, “Who was I to say no?”
Italian mumbles echoed as Angel walked out to the back porch, with a view from where we were suspended high in the mountains. Feeling drawn, I was like a moth to the moon, leaving Sal’s lap behind to see such beauty. Through a glass door, I walked to Angel’s side. He stood at the railing, staring at what I wanted to touch. I even reached out my hand. “I have never seen a mountain up close before.”
Angel didn’t say anything.
“Have you?” I asked.
His deep voice made my chest tingle. “Yes.” He sighed. Maybe because he found it hard to stay angry with me. “Yes, I have. Different countries. Different mountains.”
“Maybe I will get to see them with you someday.”
“You will see Italy’s soon enough.”
Movies, TV shows, and the news became another way for me to learn about the world, without being placed in danger from any of them. Distanced, I learned just how detailed and complex the world was.
Angel and Sal had fallen asleep during our movie ‘binge’ late at night. Neither of them were awake to change the channel—as they often did, for reasons unbeknownst to me back then—when a ‘love’ scene unfolded. To most moviegoers, it was a beautiful moment between two characters in love. To me, it was horror in its purest form. It was the truth of what I had never known. It was the ultimate example of how all the sex I’d ever had was possibly all wrong. I found myself bitter and longing for something I was confident I had missed out on.
Two captain chairs slowly came to their upright positions when Sal and Angel woke to me standing in front of the flat screen, crying in disbelief and anguish.
Epic confusion, laced with a building torment, almost corrupted all the growth I had experienced so far.
Sal attempted to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I pulled away, pointing at the screen. I fought the growing resentment in my voice. “Why do her tears look happy when that