because he didn’t get to witness her fifth birthday when she received some sparkly princess dress and her eyes lit up as big and bright as the sun. He would never know how sweet she can be because he wasn’t around when she insisted that Spencer and I both take her to the father-daughter dance when she was eight.
The thought of him not wanting anything to do with her makes rage burn through me, and I want to punch the bastard in the face. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t know how it’ll play out. I can’t even pinpoint what I want.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I want Bianca to be happy. I’m sure finding her father and establishing a relationship with him would be the best thing for her. Provided, of course, that he’s good enough to be her dad.
I want Ellie to be happy, too. I’m sure she’s stressing about how this will work out. It pains me knowing that she was shocked by James’s appearance in her life. I honestly thought she knew about the post. I feel like a jackass for not bringing it up sooner. I could’ve saved her from that surprise. I know how much she detests them.
The thought of Ellie and James building a relationship in order to take care of their daughter makes me want to puke. The pain shoots through my chest again, my heart constricting. I don’t want to lose her, but I can see how this could be a good thing for her and Bianca.
Part of me wishes he’s a douchebag and makes Ellie hate him. That would be more beneficial to me. I could come in and pick up the pieces.
If only it were that easy. The problem with that is I don’t want Ellie or Bianca to be hurt by this man. I want them to be happy. No matter what that means for me.
On the other hand, what if he really does want to experience all that? To see how great Bianca is. What if I don’t get to be part of that anymore?
It’s a selfish thought, I know. And it’s not something I really want to contemplate right now.
My phone vibrates on the table. I reach for it and hesitantly glance at the screen.
Ellie: I met with James. It went well. Better than I thought it would. He’s a nice guy and he’s willing to do this at my pace.
I stare, not sure what I’m feeling. Although I want to be cold and unaffected, it’s not happening. Not with Ellie. I’ve spent the last two months falling in love with her. No. Actually, I think I’ve spent the last sixteen years falling in love with her. If only James would’ve showed up two months ago, I think I could’ve walked away.
Kingston: Glad it went well.
Ellie: I was wondering if you’d want to come over tonight.
I don’t respond right away. I try to convince myself that staying away from her is the right thing to do. When that doesn’t work, I try to convince myself that my body craves hers and that’s all this is. If we keep this about sex, I might get through it. Why shouldn’t I reap the benefits? That was our agreement, right?
Kingston: Depends.
Ellie: On?
Kingston: What are you wearing?
She doesn’t answer me back for several minutes. I wonder if I’ve pissed her off.
Ellie: Depends.
Kingston: On?
Ellie: Are you coming over or not? If you are, I’m wearing nothing. If you aren’t, I’ll keep my leggings and my sweater on.
Damn. I like the idea of her naked and waiting for me. Okay, not completely naked.
Kingston: Keep your panties on. But nothing else.
Ellie: Okay. And so you know, Bianca’s spending the night with Gabby, so we’ve got the house to ourselves.
Very good to know. It makes it even easier to pretend this is nothing more than a booty call. Which it is. Definitely.
Kingston: Thanks for telling me. Now I don’t have to worry about how loud I make you scream my name. I want you to be playing with your pussy when I get there. Can you do that for me, Ellie?
Ellie: Mmm-hmm
Kingston: Good girl. I’m on my way.
Ellie: There goes the sweatshirt. The leggings are next.
I don’t even bother to grab a coat as I make my way out to my truck and head over to Ellie’s.
I’m sure I break more than a few traffic laws on the way, and it doesn’t bother me in the least. Maybe this isn’t going