have no idea what to even... do."
"Oh, that's easy. Just make shit up."
I blinked at him, looking slowly to Tina. She just shrugged. "You opened yourself up to this. You're on your own now."
"It's not like a dating site. There's not a guy alive who browses Grindr looking for 'interesting facts' about your interests or your political alignment or whatever. They want to fuck somebody exciting, and you're... well, sweetie, you're probably the most boring man I've ever met. No offense."
"None taken," I said, though I casually flipped him off. "And it's not like I was sitting here thinking my experience as a dungeon master was going to get me laid."
Keith opened his mouth, a wicked glint in his eyes. I cut him off before he could get the thought out.
"Not that kind of dungeon master, anyway."
"It could if you lean into it. Some guys out there would love to fuck the brains out of a nerdy twink."
I didn't think I would have qualified as a twink even in my college days, but I decided not to say anything about it. Leaning into that part of myself wasn't something I was interested in when it came to a hookup. I didn't want to be fetishized as some glasses-wearing teacher who was insanely sheltered and didn't know the first thing about casual sex.
Mainly because all of that was true.
"It's all about playing a role, man. You have to commit to some version of yourself and just be that for a night."
Playing a role. Since the early 90s, I'd been playing a role almost every week. Inhabiting the mind of someone else was one of my favorite things about tabletop gaming, and it was something I'd been eager to share with the kids at Horizon.
Maybe I could do it. Maybe I could be someone else for a night. That way, if things went horribly, I could just... disassociate. No risk. No fuss.
And still no idea what I was doing.
2
Reuben
"Two more reps. Come on, Ty, you got this."
I stood behind one of the Gators' starting cornerbacks, my body set in a wide stance, center of gravity low as I spotted him during his bench presses. He struggled to get the massive stack of weights up to the bar, his arms shaking. I knew he was stubborn enough to keep going even if he was in danger of hurting himself, but I wouldn't have pushed him this far if I didn't think he was ready.
As his arms continue to buckle and the barbell slips, though, I realize I was wrong. Quick reflexes land the bar in my hands, the powder I'd applied allowing me the chance to grip it with ease and put it back above him, the metal clanking loudly. Tyler Knowles, one of the best defensive secondaries I'd ever seen, and definitely one of the hardest workers, panted on the bench, his chest heaving. Sweat pours from him, completely saturating his short hair.
"Fuck," he gasped out, his arm coming up to wipe away the sweat.
Or to hide the hint of tears I'd seen in his eyes. I wasn't about to mention it, either way.
"It's okay, Ty. You just need a little more time to recover. You've done a hell of a lot over the past four weeks, and--"
"It's not enough," he said, his tone sounding hopeless.
My heart cracked a little as I watched his shoulder shake, his arm still braced over his eyes.
"Fuck!" he yelled the word this time, slamming his palm against the machine. "I'm so fucking worthless."
"Hey." My tone was stern as I crouched near him, not continuing until he actually looked at me. His dark eyes glistened with moisture, tear tracks painting down his dark skin. My tone softened as I continued. "You're not worthless. You understand me? Even if you can't ever do a full routine again, that doesn't make you worthless. You got hurt, Ty. You damn near got your arm ripped out of its fucking socket. Give yourself a break."
"Coach says I need to be back on the field for next week's game or I'm going to lose my spot," he said, his gaze casting up toward the ceiling. A few more tears slipped from his eyes.
"What? You're supposed to have six weeks to heal, and even that's cutting it real fucking close." I tried to keep my voice level, to keep emotion out of it, but like always, I failed.
"Yeah, well. You know how it is, man."
Yeah. I knew how it was. Fucking inhumane was