town.” I shake my head. “Those are the dreams of children. I don’t expect that to happen.”
“Back then I didn’t think music was going to take off like it did. We could get a record deal, Ali. We’ve been sending off demos and selling our music at the shows we do. We could really make it.”
“And I mean it when I say I’m really proud of you. I am. I hope you do make it. But you and I both know that if that happens, there’s no room for me.”
“You could come with us,” he offers. “You know the guys. We can travel around together.”
“Do the guys know you’re gay?”
Once again, he’s quick to scan the surrounding area. “Can we go outside, please? Take a walk?”
I stand up and pay for my soda, then meet him outside. “I can tell by your skittish behavior that nobody knows you’re gay yet.”
“Of course nobody knows. We were going to do that together, remember?”
“Yeah, two years ago.”
“I’ve been busy!”
“I know, and that’s fine, but did you expect me to keep hiding who I am from everybody until you were ready? That’s not fair to me. And what am I supposed to tell the rest of the band? That I want to travel along just for the fun of it? We still wouldn’t be able to be together. Plus, I’m in college. I’m getting a degree. I have to worry about my future, too.”
We turn the corner, moving farther away from people traveling down Main Street. “I still want a future with you,” he says.
I sigh. “You’re not ready.”
He yanks me into an alleyway and pushes me against the concrete wall. His hips pin me in place and his hands go to my waist. “I know I want you. I know how I feel when I think about you. Why is that not enough?”
I force myself to keep my hands at my sides, even though I want them to explore his body. “I don’t want what we have to be a secret, and you’re not ready to be out yet.”
Merrick runs his thumb over my lips. “Then I’ll come out. I’ll tell my brothers and I’ll tell the band. Then we can be together.”
My chest heaves with deep breaths as I get lost in his eyes. “I have a boyfriend,” I say softly.
Merrick dips his head and lets his nose run down my cheek before he buries his face in my neck and inhales. “But I want you.”
“You want to fuck me,” I say, bringing my fingers to the belt loops of his jeans.
He groans and I feel his cock harden against mine. “That too.”
“Then let me know when you tell people. Don’t rush, and don’t do it for me, but let me know when it happens.”
He slowly pulls away from me. “You’re killing me, Ali. I’ve been dying to see you and you’re here telling me you have a boyfriend. A fucking boyfriend. God! I’ve only ever been with you.” He shakes his head slowly, his eyes full of sorrow. “You’re breaking my heart.”
My own heart shatters at his words, then he turns and walks away from me.
5
Merrick
Present Day
“I’ll tell you what,” Jay says, laying across the couch, his blond hair hanging over the arm. “I can’t wait until this tour is done. We’ve been on the road for almost a fucking year. I am exhausted. I think I’m gonna head to that island with Sky.”
“Fuck off. Get your own island,” Sky calls out from the bar in the suite of my hotel room. “It’s only gonna be me and like five or six chicks. Only one dick is allowed on my island.”
Jay rolls his eyes. “What’re you doing, Merrick? Goin’ home? Goin’ back to Paris to find those chicks you were caught with?”
I ignore the comment about the girls in Paris. No need to tell the band that when we got into the hotel, I got them a room for themselves and called it a night. “Yeah, I’m goin’ home. My brothers are already expecting me.”
“I thought about it, but my parents don’t even live there anymore, and I didn’t really stay in touch with people we went to school with. So.” He shrugs, then throws a baseball up and catches it.
“I’m probably going back for a few days,” Carlos says from the other couch. “That’s about all I can take when it comes to being around my family. I bought them a bigger house out in the country, new cars, and