I knew everything would be fine. Straight people never have to come out and have a whole speech prepared explaining how long they’ve been straight. It’s annoying as fuck to have to stress over. But I’m going to tell the guys first, because they deserve to know the media frenzy I’ll start when I come out. If they want me to leave the band, I will.”
“Whoa,” Royce says. “I don’t think they’ll make you do that, and that’s quite a decision.”
“Yeah, but living my life as me is more important. I don’t want to live this lie anymore. It’s physically painful. I can’t keep pretending to like women. I can’t keep pushing away a guy who means more to me than I’d ever imagined. Not coming out means never being able to be in love and settle down.”
“And everyone deserves that,” Elijah says. “So, we’re behind you one hundred percent.”
Cill smirks. “You can invite Alejandro over now.”
I shake my head, a smile on my lips. “I have a lot of making up to do. I’ve just convinced him to be my friend again. I’m not gonna push him. Plus, taking these steps; telling you, the band, the label, that’s what I need to do to prove to him I’m not full of shit.”
Now I need to find a way to meet up with the guys. I don’t know if they’ll all want to come back to Gaspar, but I’m going to try my hardest to convince them. And I can’t wait too long. I’m dying to be back with Ali.
25
Alejandro
Present Day
Ever since Merrick showed back up in my life, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. To be fair, even when he was gone I thought about him fairly often. . .too often, considering we hadn’t spoken in years.
But now. . .now it’s on another level. When I wake up, I wonder what he’s doing. When I’m eating, driving, and even talking to somebody, I think about when I’m going to see him again. I’m already craving his affection and attention, but now he’s holding back. I can’t be mad at him for the reasoning, because the truth of the matter is he’s doing this for me.
When it comes to Merrick, I’ve always been willing to go along with whatever he wants to do, and as much as I want to be with him, I know if I fall into the same routine, I’ll only hate myself. I meant what I said when I told him I need more than words, and even if it means torturing myself in the process, I have to keep from succumbing to my sexual desires.
We can go back to being friends. I know he has more on his plate than I do, and I’m willing to support him. I just have to find a way to not think about him naked. I have to forget what it feels like when his lips are against mine, and what it does to me to have his hard body pressed against mine as he thrusts inside of me.
Fuck.
Yeah, it’s hard to only be friends with someone when you can close your eyes and remember the way their body feels against yours, and the way they taste on your tongue, but fuck it, let’s give it a try.
I’m two houses away from mine, sprinting as fast as I can like I’m trying to run away from the memories of me and Merrick together, when my phone starts vibrating against my arm as it rests in the armband.
When I come to a stop in my driveway, I answer the phone, breathing heavily.
“Hello?”
“Oh, uhh, are you busy?” Merrick asks.
“No, I’m good. What’s up?” I ask, still sucking in deep breaths.
“Kinda sounds like you’re working out. . .or something else I hope isn’t happening right now.”
I laugh as I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. “I just went for a run.”
“Oh. I need to do some running, too. I’ve been eating all this hotel food and not working out at all. I’m gonna get fat.”
“I doubt it,” I say, making my way inside my house.
“You gonna let me run with you or what?”
I shake my head and pull the refrigerator door open. “You can if you want. If you think you can keep up with me.”
Merrick chokes out a laugh. “Please, I’ve always been the fastest of us two.”
I snatch a bottle of water out of the fridge and uncap it, pouring half of it down